parody: blame exhausts the naive

The exhaustion of blame?
Get Behind Me Satan

Image via Wikipedia

To all of my formerly favorite ladies (i.e. past romantic partners), I blamed you for ruining the perfect relationship that I pretended to have with you. You sucked at pretending. You should have been more pretensive and naive, you know, like me. Plus, you should not have been so truthful. You owed it to me to be a better liar, yes, so that our relationship would save my life from hell and be my bridge to heaven. I had a perfect plan for my own personal salvation, and then you personally failed me. You were such a huge disappointment, Plus, you personally are still Satan incarnate, yes, every single one of you. You betrayed me. Well, at least I was quite embarrassed at how things went with you.
To all the people that have lost any amount of net worth (prosperity) by not heeding my clear and repeated warnings about real estate markets and stock markets, I blamed you for not staying as wealthy as you were, by which I mean… not getting much more wealthy with me, by which I really mean… not making me wealthy. No, you are not Satan, but you sure did remind me of her a lot. You betrayed yourself. Plus, you should have been much smarter and responsible, you know, like me.
Actually, maybe I have been just a little pretensive, slightly idiotic and marginally irresponsible. That’s like being only slightly pregnant. So, what I really mean by this is that I have been investing– over and over and over again- in blame. See how conscious I am now?
Yes, I invested exactly how I did in various romantic relationships and various business prospects and opportunities, and now I appreciate learning through them with you, so thank you. I completely forgive you for being the way you obviously should not have been- well, at least, I am open to you earning my generous forgiveness from me eventually.
However, as for all that investing in blame: I admit that it was irresponsible and idiotic of me. I really should not have been so pretensive, idiotic and irresponsible… and naive. I’m totally to blame for that- totally.
The Fountain of Eternal Life in downtown Cleve...

The Fountain of Eternal Life in downtown Cleveland, Ohio, with 200 Public Square in the background (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I mean: it’s just horrible how I was to me. Plus, I totally blame myself for blaming myself.

I was way too self-destructive. I was way too negative. I really should not have been so much like I have been. Plus, I should really stop being so hard on myself, you know, hypothetically. I should really stop judging me, you know, someday. That reminds me: I’m really stating to remind me of Satan, huh?
By the way, to all the beliefs I have had about how life should be different from how it is, I blamed you for me believing in you. You are the reasons that I have been addicted to all that drama. Plus, I can’t wait to get rid of you so I can get to heaven, you know, soon.
What? Do I still believe that this is hell? Are you kidding me? Of course this is hell! Just look around, seriously.
Here is proof. Ready? Okay, everywhere you look, there is another Satan, there is more evil, there are new things being how they obviously should not be. Am I right or what?
Oh, and people are so ashamed and resentful and way way way too negative. Life is fundamentally annoying. I had a perfect life basically right up until my life started.

That’s right. Everything was perfect until that one thing happened… and you know the thing that I am talking about- or at least you should. Anyway, as I was saying… before anything happened to me, then obviously nothing bad had ever happened to me because

The Great Satan (by Latuff).

Image via Wikipedia

nothing at all had happened to me.

Back then, hell did not even exist. Hell is when life seems to happen to me. Wherever I am, there is hell- kind of like my own shadow,- can you hear what I am saying?
Who I am is a collection of beliefs of how life should be, how I should be, how I actually am, you know- as distinct from how I am obviously not. Hell is the linguistic separation of everything into these two inherent fundamental unquestionable categories: me over here and my life over there.

All I am saying is that my life is hell. I’m perfect. My life, though… it’s hell. If it wasn’t for how amazing I am, I probably would not

This Is Not Happening
Image via Wikipedia

have even survived this long, you know, with my life happening to me like that.

But I know that I should not be proud. I should be humble. Basically, I should be how I should be, you know what I’m saying? Plus, I should not be so much like how I should not be- obviously!
It’s a very serious problem. I’m working on it.
I’m thinking that I should have me fixed by sometime next week; yeah, let’s go with Tuesday at noon (local time). I sure hope though that I do not disappoint me again. That would really suck, huh?
So, my life is what seems to be a series of problems happening to me. Living does not require me to be here at all. However, clearly, obviously, living is here, aren’t we?
When I personally am not here, living just keeps going on by itself, you know, like it always has been. When the personal identity is absent- or, we could say, when the ego dies (or matures?) – then eternal life is happening already, which would make sense for anything that we might call eternal. If eternity has not already started, then that would just be silly.
However eternal life is not happening at any particular time. Also, eternal life is not happening to anyone in particular. When no one is here, eternal life is obviously happening the only time it ever always is: right now.
Typing happens. Reading happens. Scrolling the window down the webpage happens. Then something else happens… anything else, one thing at a time.
Living happens. Living just happens however it is actually happening, whenever it does, wherever it does, even perhaps sometimes as an identity that identifies itself in opposition to life itself and says “life is happening to me.” At least, that is certainly possible.
So, no one is here, except of course if someone suddenly shows up. I sure hope that doesn’t happen to any of us, though. That would just be hell, you know, hypothetically. We really should take some serious precautions to avoid that.
And when you read the word “precautions,” I know what you were thinking, because I know that you have a dirty mind. You read the word “precautions” and then you immediately thought: condoms.
That is not what I typed, though. Would you please PLEASE stop being so presumptive and… and, you know, dramatic! It’s totally making my perfect life hell.

Image via Wikipedia

You do know that everything would be totally heaven if it just wasn’t for you showing up all uninvited like this, right? You’re Satan. Plus, as if that were not bad enough, you have a very dirty mind.
I wish, you know.. basically you should just lighten up! Everything would be fine then, you know, soon.
The above was published in the first hours of December 4, 2009, as a culmination of sorts of this “happening” of September 9, 2009:

Soon (Bridge to Heaven)


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