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the distinction between criticism and fearful shaming

There is a distinction between criticism and shaming. I mention this in response to the following post from FaceBook:

gramma

The need to criticize anyOne is a projection of the belief that you are not good enough. Likewise, taking another person’s criticism of you personally, it’s a reflection of the same belief.

While you are already as Divine as you’re ever going to get, (and there’s nothing you can do in this or any lifetime to change your true identity), you can never live up to an idea of how any person thinks you should be.

This is because thought cannot create the experience of wholeness. It’s only capable of creating elusive stories of wholeness that evoke criticism.

So, the next time you find your self projecting or defending against criticism, you’re invited to illuminate the core issue by noticing the mental story about who you are and how you’re meant to be. This noticing can dismantle the false sense of self and and allow you to create more harmony in all of your relationships.

What a blessing criticism is. Bring it on!!

finger pointing

The above commentary is “a good start.” However, what about the distinction between criticism and shaming?

To even be referencing criticism in the above way is an indication of the operation of shame (which is extremely common and no cause for shame!). Shame involves a fear of being revealed. Let’s look another layer deeper at a fear of being revealed or exposed:

ron paul angry

When I fear being revealed, then I may shame others for their actions and inactions and so on. Which instances does the one ashamed point to with most ferocity (fear)? When ashamed, I would point at the instances where “they” do the same thing that I am ashamed of having done in order to bring attention to their alleged shame and distract from mine (or to test the response of other people to me saying whatever, like this: “did you know that Ron Paul used to EAT FISH!?!?! That is SOOOOO disgusting, isn’t it? I haven’t eaten fish for 2 decades now and he was just eating some a few years ago. Can you believe  his pompous audacity?”)

alex jones

Alex Jones complaining about something again.

English: Highway A 8, exit Wendlingen. Heavy t...

English: Highway A 8, exit Wendlingen. Heavy transports between 72 and 120 tons are redirected. Deutsch: A 8, Anschlussstelle Wendlingen. Für Schwertransporte von 72 bis 120 t besteht eine Umleitung. Die Ausfahrt führt auf die B 313 nach Wendlingen, Esslingen, Plochingen, Reutlingen und Nürtingen. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On the other hand, criticism is any explicit redirection: “Oh honey, if you are going to get off on exit 43, then the turn lane is over there. Do you see the turn lane?” For the one who is ashamed, even such a gentle exercise of authority (“input”) may be “cause” for annoyance.

If I am already ashamed (afraid of showing fear, error, fallibility), I might say something quite shaming in response to even the gentlest criticism: “Seriously, why do you always have to criticize my driving? You are such a $*(k!ng punk, Gramma. I can’t believe I have to drive you around for the next three weekends. Jesus, what the hell did I ever do so wrong to deserve this? Anyway, why do you have to be so old? Why did you have to lose your license to drive?” So, with that shaming is grievance and grief and fear and shouts that may cover up tears, at least for a while.

Criticism focuses on a process. Shaming focuses on an identity. Shaming involves a ferocious fear or paranoia or hysteria.

Both have their place, by the way- or they would not exist, right? By the way, isn’t it interesting how fast we may criticize others for the activity of shaming? That could be a sign of hypocrisy. 😉

brewer points finger at obama

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This entry was posted on June 26, 2012 at 9:15 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “the distinction between criticism and fearful shaming”

  1. Arkenaten Says:
    July 5, 2012 at 8:02 pm | Reply

    Many of your posts are just too heavy for me, but this one I quite enjoyed.
    Well reasoned.
    Just a ‘shame’ I don;t understand all the others. 😉

    • jrfibonacci Says:
      July 5, 2012 at 8:10 pm | Reply

      Glad this one worked for you. One of my latest, “the power of language” is rather accessible. You already know the reality of my references, though the specific way I talk may be unfamiliar- but there are not a lot of technical terms in that one.

      That is a video when I just talk freely about the subject with no script, and other videos may be more or less concise, but video or audio always offers more than just written words, plus lots of my content is disturbing to various ideals regarding economics, governments, religion, and propaganda. If you do not mind “disturbing subject matter” (just contrary to popular mythology, not like gruesome images or something), let me know and I will send you something that I have not published yet (and may not).

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