Posts Tagged ‘pretend’

How could the future be amazing?

May 3, 2014

How amazing could the future be?

If we could ever find the future to be amazing, then couldn’t we also eventually talk about amazing things that already happened? Of course, we could even lament how the distant past used to be so very amazing, but now life is anything but amazing. Or is it?

Couldn’t I relate to life as something that is fundamentally amazing? Couldn’t I relate to life as something that is always amazing, like there were always amazing things happening and always will be?

Of course, while I was asleep, I may have missed a few amazing things. Or, while I was awake but distracted, I could miss a lot, right?

I might have been so terrified that, for hours or maybe even years, I literally did not notice anything amazing. I did not talk about anything amazing because I did not even recognize anything to be amazing.

Hypothetically, amazing things may have happened, but I did not perceive them at all or simply did not relate to them as amazing things. However, right now, couldn’t I just all of a sudden start to relate to life itself as utterly amazing?

You may think dismissively that “this is just the old familiar practice of thinking positive.” However, I am not talking about hoping that things will become amazing like they allegedly “should be,” am I? Further, I am not talking about ignoring anything that I fear so much that I label it negative or repulsive or terrifying. I am simply talking about finding things I personally find amazing and then focusing on them.If I find something amazingly disgusting, that is still amazing. If I experience something as amazingly insulting, that is a type of amazing, too. If I interpret any part of life as amazing, then that is how life is amazing for me.

In other words, I am talking about learning about things that interest me. I could be intrigued by some of the different ways that people can use language. I could be intrigued by some amazing form of industrial technology.

Consider all the things that I have ever found amazing. What is the one common theme for all of those things? Here is the unifying factor: I had no idea that those things were even possible until I witnessed them and recognized them to be amazing to me.

Now, imagine that eventually, perhaps very far in the future, something will happen that I did not expect- or even something that exceeds my expectations and presumptions. I could be totally surprised by life. How could I relate to being surprised?
I could pretend not to be surprised. I could pretend not to be interested at all in the thing that I pretend did not even surprise me. In fact, I might even be able to fool lots of people in to thinking that I was not surprised at all.

However, what is so terrifying about being surprised? I am amazed at how much energy that humans- yes like me- can put in to arguing against the fact that sometimes they get surprised.

We may even give dramatic apologies like “Yes, I was surprised by that, but I am telling you that I have a very good excuse for being surprised! I can tell you exactly whose fault that one was. I can tell you precisely why that other one does not count either. Next, I can tell you why you obviously should forget the idea that I could ever be surprised by anything.”

What do I call that? I call that paranoia. I call that terror. I also call that… boring.

Isn’t it amazing how bored some people will allow themselves to be? It is like they are tamed pets.

It almost makes me wonder if these people have been programmed with some kind of a religious idealism in which they are actually chasing after death to escape from life- to be saved from the tedium of living by some fantastic vision of an eternal paradise that they can only access by dying. Wouldn’t that be totally crazy?

I am constantly amazed by how bored some people will allow themselves to be. For instance, just during the last sentence, I was amazed by no less than three people who were just sitting around so bored by their own old complaints that they started looking for other people’s complaints to complain about.

They said things like this: “Why are those other people so bored? Their boredom is insulting. They should not be bored. They should be amazed. They should do things that amaze me. They should amuse me and entertain me. They should be exactly how I say they should be. That reminds me, they also should not be however I say that they should not be, which would be very arrogant of them, right? They should be humble enough to line up outside my door no matter the weather in order to have the privilege of having the unique opportunity to find out my opinions. Which opinions? They should crave to learn my opinions about how they should be and how they should not be, and then invest their whole lives in to conforming precisely to my dictates of absolutely anything that I say (or even that I just think), like what should amaze them and what should enrage them and what they should ridicule and dismiss.”

Have you ever been amazed by how naive some people can be? That can be quite amazing.

How about this? Have you ever thought about how amazing it is that we can understand language? Someone can make a series of sounds and someone else can instantly and effortlessly know what the other person is focusing on and how they are focusing on it.

If you spend even just a little time with a bunch of people who do not speak a common language with you, then you may get a quick and powerful reminder of how amazing it is that language even exists. Not only can people understand the sequences of sounds used in spoken languages, but some of us can even use written symbols.

Of course, language is really no more amazing than our ability to communicate with facial expressions. If you actually stop and think about how complicated it is for a human face to change expressions, you will be amazed by that ability.

Consider that if you had to explain to a blind person by phone how to use their various facial muscles to make a particular facial expression, you might find that very challenging. However, if I list any emotion, you could instantly imagine a facial expression corresponding to that emotion, like a sad face, a happy face, an angry face, a skeptical face, a surprised face, or a delighted face.

You know what those facial expressions mean even if you do not have the ability to use language and label the various faces. Even creatures like dogs seem to be able to see a human face and recognize emotions. They apparently can hear the emotions in our voices. Even without being able to label the different emotions or expressions, they respond.

Emotions can be communicated with or without language. Those are just a couple of things that you could find absolutely amazing.

Or, maybe there is absolutely nothing amazing happening and there never has been and there never will be because there never could be. Learning cannot happen because I am all-knowing so nothing surprises me since I am not only a psychic but also a competitive, perfectionist, know-it-all jerk.

Or maybe all of that is something that I may have just pretended once out of sheer terror. I did not want anyone to think that I might still be learning. I was taking evasive action to totally avoid ever being surprised in the future.

Learning is not amazing. Amazing is not learning.

Having an amazing future would be the most boring thing in the world. Resignation and cynicism are the signs of a faithful worshiper of the religion of identifying some ideals about how life should be and then going around condemning any discrepancies between my sacred idolatries and the insulting, offensive, scandalous failures of God to make life conform to my pre-existing notions.

How could God be so insensitive, so arrogant, so unpredictable? It’s not like I am here to learn or to experience life as amazing in the future.

No, I am here to complain about the past. I am here to wallow in regret and guilt and grief and grievances and perfectionism.

When God gets over this little rebellious phase and is ready to come to me with humility and ask my opinion, then maybe I will have mercy on God and share my divine wisdom. Until then, your life better not be more amazing than mine because you do not want me to be jealous of you. If you make me jealous of you, then you will be punished with eternal damnation to a hell of always condemning stuff and complaining and agonizing about how to change things from how they should not be in to how they should be (and then keeping things how they should be) and then, after you inevitably get exhausted from all of that idealism and criticism, being resigned and cynical.

Your future is going to suck if you allow your future to be amazing. You are going to live out your amazing life constantly worrying about one day regretting that you did not fully explore the opportunity to regret your life more while you were alive.

Therefore, you should devote yourself to agonizing about how much is the right amount agonize and what exactly are the best things to agonize about. You have no time to waste. This is an urgent matter that requires constant stress and even distress (in order to avoid a future hell of eternal agonizing).

You also need to obsess over how to make your life as amazing as it should be. You should not be open to identifying things that are already amazing about life. You need to compensate for how horrible your past used to be by competing with everyone else to have the most amazing life that anyone will ever have including in the future.

First though, you need to earn it. You need to deserve it. You need to make up for all the damage you have done in the past by finding certain things to be slightly interesting and even altogether amazing. But how could you ever do that? I know, right?

So, you need to surround yourself with people who either insist that life is not amazing or else say absolutely nothing- like in a monastery or an insane asylum where all the patients are drugged out on chemicals that block their emotions. Emotions are your enemy- all of them. You should be terrified of them, except for terror, which is the one that you should worship to the exclusion of all of the others, because terrified paranoia is the only emotion that is not negative.

In conclusion, life is not amazing. Language is not amazing. Nothing is amazing. Anything that is amazing should not be. In fact, anything that should be amazing should not be amazing.

Get with the program, people. Time is running out.

However, this offer is not valid in all areas. Some restrictions may apply.

Act now because supplies are limited. If you are pregnant, could have ever been pregnant, or hypothetically might have the capacity to one day make someone else pregnant, then please consult with your licensed indoctrinator of quackery before using any product that contains any chemicals whatsoever, including water, which has been determined to lead to paranoia in people who were already terrified fools.


lyrics: “the superstition that shouldn’t be”

December 27, 2012






Going around the bend

Going around the bend (Photo credit: webponce)


She asked “do you believe in superstitions” and I said “what do you mean?”             she said “you’ve heard of them, right, but do even think that there is such a thing?”


I said, “maybe so, I don’t really know, but I’m sure of this: there shouldn’t be!”         then she said “well they do exist and, by the way, what you said about what shouldn’t be…


that sounds just like a superstition to me.”




“Hold on, first I need to tell you what shouldn’t be                   before you go around       looking this close at me


cause whatever I say      is what shouldn’t be                                 is what you must pretend     to never see”

English: Sunset in Superstitions, Arizona - ht...

English: Sunset in Superstitions, Arizona – (Photo credit: Wikipedia)




She asked “do you understand that what I am about to reveal to you                          must be kept secret or else there would be dire consequences?”


I said “is that a threat?” she said “yes, that is one way to look it.”                                     I said “do I have a choice?” she said, “well, not anymore for you’ve already made it. That’s why you were chosen.”



“Hold on, first I need to tell you what shouldn’t be                   before you go around       looking this close at me
cause whatever I say      is what shouldn’t be                                is what you must pretend     to never see”




She said “now, keep your eyes closed and then look deeply in to mine”         I said “that’s just not possible. Are you trying to play a trick on me?”


“No,” she said, “I would never do that. I was just wanted to know if you were listening.”      I said “Is this some kind of a joke?”  she said, “I’m very serious. Are you?”



“Hold on, first I need to tell you what shouldn’t be                   before you go around       looking this close at me
cause whatever I say      is what shouldn’t be                                is what you must pretend     to never see”



She asked “do you believe in superstitions” and I said “what do you mean?”             she said “you’ve heard of them, right, but do even think that there is such a thing?”

I said, “maybe so, I don’t really know, but I’m sure of this: there shouldn’t be!”         then she said “well they do exist and, by the way, what you said about what shouldn’t be…

that sounds just like a superstition to me.”

English: Front page of La Normandie romanesque...

English: Front page of La Normandie romanesque et merveilleuse. Traditions légendes et superstitions populaires de cette province by Amélie Bosquet. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Hold on, first I need to tell you what shouldn’t be                   before you go around       looking this close at me

cause whatever I say      is what shouldn’t be                                 is what you must pretend     that you did not see”

Superstition Peak

Superstition Peak (Photo credit: cascade hiker)






song: “pretend (to be alright)”

October 25, 2012
Pretend Picnic

Pretend Picnic (Photo credit: OakleyOriginals)

Home and Family Life Student

Home and Family Life Student (Photo credit: Lower Columbia College)

When I    was a child         I learned   of dangers

People in the Bus for Public Transportation

People in the Bus for Public Transportation (Photo credit:

some things to avoid          like don’t talk to strangers
it’s safer that way              I can’t be surprised
staying with the familiar     just repeat it another time

I know something happened   but no one seemed safe to tell
I had a secret to forget           but no one to help me

pretend to be alright
help me pretend to be alright

we can hold each other tight
until we forget to pretend to be alright

Support group stands down after 60 years of su...

Support group stands down after 60 years of success (Photo credit: CherryPoint)

I was told who I could trust    but what if one of them said to me
don’t you ever tell anyone what we just did      or I’ll make you regret it and do this to you again
help me pretend to be alright

we can hold each other tight

13: Natural History

13: Natural History (Photo credit: practicalowl)

until we forget to pretend to be alright

Power of mind 4 - Dissociative Defense / Mogen...

Power of mind 4 – Dissociative Defense / Mogens Jacobsen (Photo credit: Ars Electronica)

child safety

child safety (Photo credit: zoethustra)

It's Alright (Ricky Martin song)

It’s Alright (Ricky Martin song) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Pretending to be someone else

Pretending to be someone else (Photo credit: Andrea Marutti)

pretending to have problems

January 16, 2012

on pretending to have problems

Have you ever heard about someone having a problem? How about this: have you ever noticed that some people seem to always have some kind of problem and if you get two of these problematic people together, then they can get in to a competition to see which one can name more problems than the other? 

You probably have never been one of those people who have always have some kind of problem, but you probably know somebody who may seem to you to make it a priority to have a lot of problems and to tell everyone about them. Well, I have been one of those people who had an enormous amount of very serious problems.

In fact, one of the worst problems that I have had was having an enormous number of people around me who constantly pretend to have problems. If you had asked me, I would have said that I never pretended to have any problems. Only other people did that. My problems, according to me, were totally real, never pretend. 

For instance, not only was I forced to be surrounded by hundreds and thousands of people who were apparently trying to compete with me by having worse problems than I did, but I also had some real practical issues in my everyday life. I suddenly experienced the paralysis of my right leg and lost the ability to walk when I was 36. 

So, if you had asked me, I would have told you that I had a very serious problem. However, I would have told you that the very serious problem that I had was a suddenly decreased capacity to move my right leg. That was actually not the problem.

What was the real problem? The problem was that I pretended that life had victimized me. I pretended that I deserved better. I pretended that my problem was special. I pretended that my problem was different. 

In particular, I pretended that my problem was in my leg. However, there was no problem in my leg. My leg still adhered to all of the patterns identified in biochemistry and neurology and the physics of electromagnetism. The molecules and the cells and the tissues were all operating according to the same mechanisms that they always do- same for me, same for anyone else, same at any hour or season, same at any location. 

The patterns in my leg were unusual, at least to me, but they were not unique. They were just patterns.

So, if there was no problem in my leg, then where was it? Was the problem in my head? Well, if I was pretending to have a problem, then it wasn’t really even in my head, right? 

How about in my mouth? Let me put it to you this way: how about in my words? How about in my way of relating to the actual physiological capacity of my leg? How about my way of speaking about my life and about life?

I had one functioning leg and one other leg. Doesn’t that sound like a problem? Well, in fact, there had been another time earlier in my life when the bone in the thigh of one my legs fractured and I got a cast and crutches and did not walk on it. 

I was about 6 years old and I do not recall really having any problem with having a broken leg. I moved more slowly than I had. I got more help from other people. I also had the expectation that I would recover, but what if I did not expect to recover? 

Being able to walk or not simply was not a problem for me at age 6 years. Being able to walk or not was also not a problem for me at age 6 months. When I was 6 months old, I simply did not have any problems.

I couldn’t walk when I was 6 months old, but I did not make the extent of my capacity to walk in to a problem. I couldn’t walk when I was 6 years old, but I did not make the extent of my capacity to walk in to a problem. I couldn’t walk when I was 36 years old, but suddenly the extent of my capacity to walk was a huge problem. 

What happened? I changed the way that I was relating to the extent of my capacity to walk. What kind of relating? Relating to it in language. Relating to it with words. Relating to it with interpretations and meanings and complaints- lots and lots of complaints.

Now I may not have said all of those complaints out loud, perhaps because there was only so much time in a day. In fact, I may not have even said a single complaint out loud, but pretending not to have any complaints does not change the basic, fundamental, definitive presence of relating to life as something to complain about. I could complain about anything. Maybe one day I complained about walking or maybe I pretended that I was not relating to my mobility as problem and instead identified the major complaints of my life as things quite remote from me and the circumstances of my physiological functioning.

Maybe I pretended to have problems with some particular group of people- you know the ones-, or with the weather, or with some historical pattern- because you know I just can’t believe that people would have ever done that- or with how much complaining those other people had been doing. They were hogging the spotlight. They were competing with me for the attention of everyone else and it was a problem for me because I could not keep up with their complaining. They were better at complaining than I was, or at least that is what I pretended, and it was obviously not fair for those people to be so much better at complaining than I was. 

It was unjust. I should have received more sympathy and pity and charity.

After all, I had done everything right: everything! First, I made it a point to learn how people should be. Then, I made it a point to pretend to be that way that people should be. Next, I got very annoyed that other people were not doing what they should do which was to appreciate me for how well I had been pretending to be the way that people should be.

Now, you might to yourself that the pattern that I was just describing sounds rather ironic, even arrogant, even pretentious, even proud or vain. While that is very observant of you to notice and very generous of you to share your opinion, in the nature if I want to know your opinion, I will ask. Is that clear?

You know that reminds me of a few more problems that I have. Naturally, I have a problem with people who share their unsolicited opinions. That is very arrogant of them. Further I have a problem with people who do not ask for my opinion with more respect, more interest, more commitment, more devotion. 

Why do all these people have a preference for their own opinions over mine? I don’t have that problem. I value my opinions over other people’s opinions for the very simple reason that I know that my opinions are the very best. Once I made up my own opinions, then I really wasn’t much interested in anyone else’s. That makes sense, right? 

So, what’s the deal with all of these other people who do not recognize the inherent superiority of my opinions? They seem to have very high opinions of their own opinions, and you can see the problem with that, right? They are hogging the spotlight with their opinions, their own complaints, and their own problems. Obviously, that just does not work for me. 

Their self-centered, selfish ego is a major problem and it needs to be fixed. As you all know, the first step in fixing a problem of this sort is to find find someone to blame for being the source of this problem and then complaining to them about how they should have already fixed this very serious problem that I have been pretending to have with reality.

So there I was at age 36, hobbling around using a walker, pretending to have a fundamental problem with life in regard to the way life should be and the totally selfish arrogance of life for being other than, in my opinion, it should already be. Now you may have heard about the idea of someone going around looking for complaints. that as not me. I was not going around looking for complaints. I was going around making them up. Could you hear the difference?

Now, I was 36 and I was not walking, but I was talking. I was talking about a lot of opinions, and a lot of complaints and a lot of problems. I could have been pretending to have a problem with some government policy. I could have pretending to have a problem with some cultural trend. I could have been pretending to have a problem with biochemistry.

However, I noticed that people did not give me any sympathy for having a problem with biochemistry. They did not give me any sympathy for having a problem with electricity or gravity or technology. So, what does a fellow in that situation do? I didn’t have any problems with things that did not get me sympathy. I went right for the heart of the matter. I didn’t waste time with the small stuff.

I focused my complaints on other people’s absolutely ridiculous preference for their own opinions. How can these people live with themselves? They are severely underprivileged in regard to their lack of awareness that my opinions are the very best.

Have you wondered why there are not more taxes to support government subsidies to promote a widespread public awareness of my opinions and how they are the very best? I mean, when I go around to talk to people, it’s like they don’t even know how much they are missing out by not having my opinions. 

I ask them point blank- couldn’t be direct more than this- i ask if they are interested in my opinions. The vast majority of people that I ask about their interest in my opinions indicate to me that they are not already very interested in my opinions. I know… it’s very sad. They just don’t know any better.

So naturally, out of compassion for them, I ask them exactly how interested in my opinions they would like to be in the future. Now, some of those arrogant, opinionated competitors for my spotlight have the audacity to tell me that they are not at all interested in my opinions and have no plans whatsoever to get interested in my opinions.

Can you see the problem here, people? This is a very serious problem.

Hoe can people so ungrateful? I’m over here busting my ass to pretend that my problems are the very best in the world- or my opinions- whatever, my opinions about what is a problem and what isn’t- same thing, right? I’m doing my best. I’m doing everything right. Why is life not cooperating?

Do you see the problem here? Life is not cooperating with me! Life is just not keeping it’s side of the bargain.

Which bargain is that- you might ask. The bargain. You should know by now that there can be only one. It’s the bargain that I pretend to have with life.

That bargain is the basis for all of my pretenses which include all of my opinions. That bargain is the foundation for the very most important kind of opinion that I have, which is my problems. 

All of my problems are just opinions. All of my opinions are just pretenses.

I pretend that my opinions are the very best, especially my opinions about my problems, such as, that my problems are the very worst, which is of course the very best kind of problem to have. I mean why would I bother to go around making up problems if they weren’t serious and insurmountable and unresolvable problems. 

Do you know the word “Irreconcilable?” That is a big word right there. If I am going to the trouble of making up a problem, I might as well make one up that is totally irreconcilable. That’s like an incurable problem. That’s permanent. That’s unavoidable. That’s eternal. That’s more powerful than anything or anyone.

Pretending to have an irreconcilable problem is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Now some of y’all may think I’m just kidding about this part. You may think I’m just pretending. Let’s all bow our heads and read from the book of James:

“Behold, we put a bridle in the mouths of horses, so that they will submit to us and we turn their whole bodies. 4Also, mighty ships, which are steered by the wind and a hard small piece of wood, are driven to wherever the will of the helmsman determines. 5In this way, also, the tongue is a small member and has dominion; even a small fire kindles a great forest. 6And the boastful tongue is a fire and a world of sin; it is like a jungle [in other words, it can cause a lot of problems]. And that tongue by itself, while it is among our members, defiles our whole body [or congregation] and sets on fire the successions of generations, which roll on like wheels; it also burns with fire” like as in the fires of the rage of hell.”   James 3:3-6

So, let me repeat the same idea of the Bible in my own words, considering that my opinions are the best and by now you should very interested in them. First, I pretend that my opinion is the best, and then I make a bunch of problems out of life for not conforming to my opinions, not respecting them. Then, I recognize that life is obviously trying to embarrass me and I am forced by life to take vengeance on it’s ridiculous lack of respect for my opinions, which, in case I did not mention this already, are the very best opinions of all. I resent life, I hold life in contempt, I worry about life and how to make it conform with my opinions of how it should be, I blame life for being the wrong way, even though I also pretend to be humble and merciful and charitable toward life by holding it in contempt but yet not actually voicing my complaints, or at least not all of them. Again, I only have so much time in the day.

On that note, I notice that I am way behind schedule. I have some serious complaining to do about a bunch of problems that I do not actually have but that I do pretend to have. So, if you don’t mind, would you please stop delaying me and step out of my spotlight before this gets ugly?

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