Posts Tagged ‘Frustration’

Boredom and beyond (to getting what you value most)

June 18, 2015

Boredom: it is a state of mild discontent. Let’s explore what boredom means. Are you curious?

There can be an element of frustration when bored, right? What if there is frustration and an interest in a lasting diversion from the frustration, but no engaging diversion?

What if there are unmet needed and unfulfilled interests, plus a sense of being suppressed? If someone just has unmet needs, then they explore meeting them. They would not remain bored.

When someone complains of boredom, they may have some unmet need (or curiosity) plus a sense of being socially inhibited (prohibited from pursuing their interests or even talking about their interests). The complaint is an initiative for a new social interaction. “Entertain me! Show interest in me!”


When people want relief from boredom, they want relief from a mild state of distress or anxiety. Boredom is not the same as being relaxed and content and alert and open to new things. Boredom is even a type of mild grief or fear.


Does someone experience a social context of safety to explore their interests? Is there encouragement? Is it general to any interest or specific only to certain interests (with other interests being ignored or condemned)?
Are others curious about their interests or interested in suppressing their interests? Are people encouraged to identify all of their interests or are certain interests (and certain methods for promoting their interests) emphasized?


It is natural in childhood to encounter a variety of social dynamics. Some people share your interests (such as your favorite TV show etc). Some people are trying to mold your interests (parents, teachers, advertisers). Some people have interests that conflict with yours (like siblings who want a parent’s attention or opponents in a card game or a sport).


When we complain of boredom, are we testing someone’s interest in us? How important is it who we  complain to?


If I am bored, then I can pursue new social interactions. I can look for opportunities to meet new people. I can initiate new conversations.

I can begin by saying “Hi, I am not aware of any interests of mine that I am comfortable directly stating.” I could even say, “I have some interests but I am not comfortable directly stating them, so I am about to say something that interests me in the hope that you will respond favorably to that test subject. I call it a test subject because it is actually not a primary interest of mine. In fact, as for the whole idea that I am interested in interacting with anyone in general or you in particular, I plan to deny that emphatically if accused.”

“I am looking to start a conversation but without openly saying why. Maybe I am clear on some of my interests and maybe I am so anxious that I deny having an interests. Maybe I so crave social collaboration that I present myself as someone who does not have self-interests. Maybe I am so interested in social interaction and partnership that I say self-interests are problems and what we all need is to be more focused on certain social issues. However, of course those social issues are important to me because I perceive that they fit with my self-interests.”

I want to initiate. I want to assess the response of one or more people. How open are they to interacting right now in general? How open are they to whatever subject(s) I raise?


Maybe I want to create opportunities to vent repressed emotions like rage or grief or fear or delight (attraction). Maybe I have been attracted to outcomes that I have been trained to keep secret or deny or ignore. Maybe I have been trained to be socially anxious (timid, shy, ashamed).

Maybe I want to explore human interaction itself. Maybe I value conversations and communication in general. Should I pretend that I don’t? Should I pretend that I am totally independent and self-reliant and satisfied?

Should I protect other people from my own displays of disappointment? Should I suppress disappointment out of social anxiety for the possible consequences?


Boredom is an indication of unfulfilled interests- even a sense of fear about directly stating the interests and the lack of fulfillment. How open am I to developing clarity about my interests and identifying fitting methods for fulfilling those interests?

Being occasionally bored is common. If I am in a boring interaction, can I say so? Do I have the sense  of security to voice boredom (unsatisfaction)? If not, then what can I do to promote my security as a first priority and then also promote whatever other interests are unfulfilled.


If I am jealous, can I appreciate my attraction to something that I do not have? Can I recognize boredom as having an aspect of repulsion to something that is present? Can I respect that others may be insecure and wish to suppress certain interests of mine?

Maybe I can help them get their needs met so they are not threatened by mine. Maybe I can pursue my interests
in a way that does not disturb them (that avoids attracting their attention in a way that distracts me from identifying what I value most and getting it).

making peace with frustration

March 26, 2015

Daniel and I talked today about frustration in general, then eventually launched a fun review of the typical sexual frustrations of the many males who are in their adolescent decades (not that either he or I would know anything about such things).

part 1:

part 2:

Time management for frustrated people

February 13, 2015

Let’s focus on managing time well. In other words, we can focus on patterns of action and the different results produced by different actions.

Of course, there are others things that we could do with our time besides focus on how to manage time well. Maybe right this moment you are late for something urgent or having a life or death health crisis or an economic emergency like your kitchen is just starting to catch on fire. But I will assume that none of those things are taking priority over reading this… or else you would not be reading this right now.

Next, before we get in the details of to managing time, we might pause a moment just to relax. Many times, people operate with so much habitual stress that if they simply slow down for a few minutes, they may notice their body relaxing. They say things like “wow, I did not even know that my shoulders were tense.”

A similar thing can happen if people get a massage. They may say “wow, I did not even know that I was so tender right there.”

Why the sudden increase of awareness? Because their was so little focus on the real condition of their body.

Imagine someone who is watching a scary movie. Would it be predictable that at some point they would hold their breath? The music starts to signal “something bad is about to happen,” and then it does!

If you watched the audience in a movie theatre during an action movie, you could see the expressions on their face change. You could see men squirming in their seats when some image on the screen shows another man getting kicking in a particular place.

Or in a movie that is a romantic comedy, you could hear it when suddenly a bunch of people in the audience do something very loud with their breathing called “laugh.” At other times, you might see drops of water dripping down their face (whether from crying or sweating).

So people may invest a fair amount of time in to triggering certain emotions, like by their choices of books or music or other entertainment (even sporting events). Maybe someone who is holding chronic physical tension relating to fear values the effect of watching a horror movie. They feel the vitality of adrenalin or maybe they value repeatedly getting a safe exposure to fear that allows them to gradually relax old chronic tensions.

They also get an excuse to have a certain experience. Maybe they even avoid the distress of facing certain other emotional states that are just bubbling below the surface. Maybe they cope by retreating in to a “fantasy world” of very interesting baseball statistics or golf scores.

So one possible issue relating to time management is the issue of habits of avoidance. For someone to actually explore time management, that may require actually identifying their patterns of how they use time. If avoidance of a particular emotion or subject is a primary habit (coping mechanism) that someone has developed, then someone very motivated to improve their time management (and their results) would be interested in that subject.

Others may say “I can’t read something longer than a paragraph without losing interest,” but then go read an article for 10 minutes. Is it possible that certain subjects are too frightening for some people to read about? Is it possible that they prefer a live interaction… maybe even with several people present to enhance the sense of personal security?

To manage time well, it could be useful to recognize the things that are most stressful for us and either stop doing them or do them much better (perhaps bringing in the assistance of people who are willing and able to help). The experience of frustration is generally a sign that one’s immediate ability to focus on a situation and quickly produce a solution is not sufficient.

There may be a general lack of ability, but have you ever noticed that sometimes when you set aside a particular task and then relax a bit, if you come back to the same task later, you may be able to quickly complete it. You notice things that you did not notice before.

Why is that? Because you are better able to focus. You may be less distracted. You may be less exhausted (mentally, physically, etc…). “Suddenly,” your ability to complete the task is sufficient.

What happened? It’s not that your general ability dramatically improved an hour later. It’s that after an hour of doing something else (or nothing at all), you were better able to use your abilities.

So, sometimes a key factor in time management is planning breaks. Sometimes people also benefit from taking routine measurements (hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, etc). These measurements inform their planning.

This presentation is laying a foundation for common issues that influence people’s focus and performance. One issue is being distracted by other people- even just thoughts about other people. Let’s briefly consider that “being distracted by thoughts about other people” could actually be a useful thing that we might want to invest some concentrated time in to doing intentionally.

What bothers you most about other people? The reason that this question can be so interesting is that what bothers you about other people in general may be very revealing about you.

I’ll take the issue of someone who has a lack of confidence but a fear of social consequences about that being discovered. Note that just having a lack of confidence is not issue by itself. Someone without confidence simply asks for help. They display their lack of confidence. They request help. It’s very simple.

However, what about someone who takes time to criticize other people’s lack of confidence (to complain)? Do you ever complain that other people complain the wrong amount (perhaps “too much” for your preference)?

Someone with shame about their lack of confidence may seek out reasons to complain. They may seek out reasons to condemn others in a condescending way.

Because they lack competence and do not want anyone to notice that, they point to other people’s lack of competence. Further,
because they lack confidence and do not want anyone to notice that, they point to other people’s lack of confidence.

“That guy is so cocky!”

“That lady is so selfish!”

“They seem to think that they are so smart because they have a degree and a license, but I bet they do not even know a single cure for the thing that they keep calling incurable!”

It is one thing to notice other people’s pattern of behavior and how they speak. It is a distinct thing to present contempt and disrespect.

Yes, there are thousands of specialists whose training is only as good as what was offered in some educational program. We could criticize people for only knowing what was taught in a certain program, but what is the point?

As a coping mechanism, we may complain to create repulsion. We may want to test how others respond to a display of repulsion. We may want to test someone else’s confidence.

For instance, if I am going to hire a health specialist, I may want to know if they are confident in their competence. I may ask them where they trained. I may ask them what they think of some research from 100 years ago or 50 years ago.

I’m not condemning them. I’m not threatening to report them for incompetence. I am just testing how much confidence to put in them.

However, if they did perceive me as a threat, that would be notable. They might say: “I don’t need to answer your questions because I am an expert.” That is even an understandable comment.

But what if I respond: “how many people have you personally cured of the thing that you insist is incurable?” What if I ask: “how much time have you personally invested in reviewing the original studies of authors who claim to have a success rate that is far above average? How committed are you to promoting the health of people like me? Are you open to competing in a free market with other providers or do you lobby for subsidies and protections for members of your professional club?”

There are a few ways that someone could respond to such questions. They could erupt in to terror and then spew rage in an attempt to flee from the distress. They could call the security team to strap down the person complaining and proceed with the operation anyway. Or, they could respectfully respond.

I know that when I mentioned to someone repeatedly that there were excellent success rates for certain medical conditions, their response was “yes, but some people are not open to that.” That is a reasonable response.
What I did not think at the time was “how much do you care about their results? If you are even taking the time to notify me of their new diagnosis, why? Are you gloating in their confusion and distress? Are you rigidly clinging to your own pattern of rejecting excellence for familiar frustrations?”

Maybe some people are investing in producing frustration. Maybe that is an emotion that they have so deeply repressed that they value exposures to frustration which might finally spark learning. Maybe they are desperately committed to their own frustration so that they can mature in a particular way.

Frustration is NOT a signal for lack of ability. Someone who just lacks ability simply recognizes that within a few attempts and does not keep trying what is obviously not working.

The repeated use of a method that is not working could be considered self-sabotage. It could be considered a “cry for help.”

“I got so frustrated that I just finally wanted to tell someone.” Finally? Why finally? Why not tell someone much sooner (as in report the intent to produce a result and lack of confidence in being able to produce it)? Why all of the drama of “being sincere?”

Imagine that at some time in someone’s life, they were told “oh come on you were not even really trying! Just keep working on it and you will get it eventually.” How could that effect them? What patterns of behavior would we expect in regard to asking for help?

What if someone was publicly ridiculed for being unable to complete a task? What if the old pattern of humiliation is built in to their body as a chronic physical tension, but then another layer of tension has been added to hide the humiliation?

“No, I don’t care about ____. Sure, I used to care, but then I was publicly ridiculed for caring, so now I would not admit that I cared even if I did. I mean… not that I do of course, but… anyway… whatever… it doesn’t matter.”

We could call that cynicism. We could call that “a broken spirit.” By the way, the phrase “broken spirit” is related to schizophrenia: broken inspiration, broken respiration, broken breathing.

Are most people holding their breath all of the time? Do they only breath from the chest because their lower rib cage is in a state of chronic tension like someone who is currently watching a horror movie? Do they relate to their life like a nightmare? Do they frequently make extreme interpretations about how they are always a victim?

Maybe someone is being victimized today. But many people were victims in the past and yet still live from that “narrative.” Why? Is that another persona that they can display socially to attract a certain kind of response from others?

“You should focus on someone else who deserves your help more. You should focus on someone else who is more open and more responsive.”

Maybe they are “really” saying that they do not perceive sufficient competence (ability) or commitment (willingness) in another person. That is also reasonable. Maybe they are testing.
Maybe they are displaying that old habitual coping mechanism of helpless victim.

“I am just too helpless. I am possessed by a demon who only uses cynical patterns of language. Plus, I have not done anything to deserve your help, so I feel guilty which I would rather avoid because guilt implies that in the future I could choose better than I did in the past which sounds a lot like learning and I learned once to never ever learn anything ever. Also, I did something bad once and so I deserve to punish myself so that other people will know that I am tamed and not a threat to them that they might want to punish.”

Acting in ways that would avoid expected punishments is reasonable. However, updated expectations about punishments is also reasonable.

To earn social rewards, learning may be involved. Risk may be involved (the possibility of disappointment, failure, rejection, etc…). Asking for help may even be involved, and it is common knowledge among all cocky, arrogant people who pretend to have a lot more confidence than they actually have… that it can be humiliating to ask for help.

Or, one can attempt to explore the experience of humiliation by targeting it and locking on to it as a destination. One can create the experience of helplessness, isolation, frustration, or anything else that one puts a lot of time and energy in to producing.

Now, as for a conversation about time management, that implies a certain amount of self-respect and respect for whoever else is in the conversation. Someone could even come right out and say this: “Maybe it’s not a good use of your time for you to talk to me about time management right now.”

Why are you interested in improving how you manage your time? What results are so attractive to you that you would value exploring time management? What results are so repulsive to you that you would value exploring time management?

The secret of attentive communication (& frustration as a sign of exhaustion)

January 8, 2015


What results would most attract you? Could you benefit both from more rest and from better focus?

Why can rest and focus be important? Why do you value the specific results that you value the most?

For some people these seem like really easy questions. However, most people have not explored them as fully as we are about to do.

Many people report that they would benefit from more rest and relaxation. They may report trouble staying focused because of a lack of rest.

Imagine someone who is very sleepy and starts to read a paragraph a few times because they are too sleepy to make it to the end. They get half way, then start over. They get half way again, then start over again. They do not have enough alertness to get to the end of the paragraph, yet each time that they fail, they keep starting over.


Why do people keep starting over without taking a break? They are exhausted. They are so exhausted that they are not alert to the ineffectiveness of their own pattern of behavior.

In the case of trying to make it through an entire paragraph, that example may not seem important to you. However, many people live most of their life from that same state of exhaustion!

What is it like for them to live their lives from exhaustion? They have a target, then they never quite get to their target, yet they keep the same target and the same method. In many cases, they experience discontent and disappointment and even frustration.

What does frustration indicate? Frustration is a signal of exhaustion. An ineffective method has been attempted several times and still is not working, so the experience of frustration arises. A particular method just is obviously not working. What are some different ways that people can relate to noticing that a method is not working?

Normally, when a method does not work, people just stop doing it. Maybe they find a new method or maybe they give up in disappointment, but they do not experience the more extreme distress of frustration (and wallow in regret, blame, resentment, contempt, and so on).

Unless someone is already exhausted, then they simply do not continue to repeat the method to the point of frustration. In some cases, people are so exhausted that they experience resignation, cynicism or “being jaded,” which can go to the extreme of giving up on the entire possibility that a new method could be useful. That is how much they need some rest and relief and relaxation!

They are not just casually giving up on a particular method as soon as they notice it is not working. They tend to say much more extreme things like “I am giving up ON LIFE.”

However, if they are already exhausted, then it is predictable they may lose their focus in the middle of whatever “paragraph” of their life that they are in and they reflexively just keep starting that same paragraph over and over and over. They are extremely vulnerable to repeating ineffective methods many times, which may seem quite naive. While they may seem cynical in regard to certain options, notice how devoted they can be to a method that they even admit is not working!

So, people may have a variety of targets in their life that they talk about as important yet they consistently fail to meet those targets and still they keep trying the same methods. Naturally, they eventually experience frustration. This is probably a familiar pattern to you that is very simple to recognize.

Who is this presentation for? This presentation is for people who have experienced frustration repeatedly, even so often that finally we are motivated to try something new.

Will we try only one new thing whether or not it works any better than the first thing? If someone is exhausted already, then switching methods once may not be enough.

The idea here is to change methods exactly as little or as much as really works well for you. Which methods are the best for meeting the targets that are most important to you? That is a question that an alert person will naturally explore.

However, when someone is already exhausted, then they may get stuck trying only one old method. If they do switch methods for any reason, but are still exhausted, then they may end up repeating that new method even if it stops working well or never even works well at all.

Many of you may be familiar with the idea of doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results. That is a very common development. It is not unusual. Again, it is simply a sign of exhaustion.

What behavior fits with exhaustion (what actually works)? Simply slow down what you have been doing or even stop completely. You can start again, but at any time you can slow down, pause, or totally stop. You can change your pace as often you like- however long it takes for you to refocus and relieve the exhaustion.

How can you produce relief? That can be as simple as taking a relaxed breath and briefly holding it. I recommend breathing in through the nose. If you take a few slow, relaxed breaths in to your belly, plus briefly pause before exhaling, then that can help you to relax and improve your focus. To help you focus on breathing in to your belly, you can place a hand on your body to feel the rising and falling with each breath.

Breathing slowly like that actually allows for your brain to get more energy than breathing fast. If you are familiar with hyperventilation, that means over-breathing. By exhaling too fast, that actually results in starving the brain. Slowing down the exhalations results in improving the capacity of the brain to be alert and focus and concentrate. Calm breathing has specific neurochemical results (which are the opposite results of hyperventilating, which can create an experience of distress called a panic attack or asthma attack or anxiety attack).

Now, if you take a few slow breaths through the nose and in to the belly (with or without some relaxed pauses), you may already be more relaxed than when we started. We can start now to speculate about how we could benefit from practicing this new approach to adapting to frustration with relaxed breathing.

Most of us may have practical priorities that we are not fulfilling as well as we would like. Why can rest and focus be important in promoting the results that we value most? Because exhaustion can be very frustrating!

So, perhaps it is not just a lack of focus, but a misplaced focus. In some cases, we may be focusing too much on certain details or issues to our own disadvantage.
There may be a sense of discontent, stress, anxiety, and even frustration. Those experiences can motivate us to explore new patterns of behavior. One realm of behavior is communication in general and the use of language in particular.
We can explore that next. If you have only rarely considered the possibility of experimenting with new ways of communicating, is that because of total satisfaction with all of your current communication practices? Or, do you sometimes find that communication can be frustrating, at least with certain people?

If you find that communication can sometimes be frustrating, then that could be a sign of exhaustion. When you have been doing something while exhausted, you might already be disappointed with one method and yet you kept repeating the method in spite of your disappointment… because you were so tired. You might even have said “I am just so tired of this.” You probably do not say it like this though: “I am just sick and tired… of the results that I have been producing (!) by using the same method over and over again… even though I am aware that the results of that method is disappointing.”

Did you notice that one part of the statement that I just made was very familiar to you, but then another part of it was constructed in a way that probably did not fit with your most familiar habits of using language? Here’s how we will improve the results of your patterns of communicating with more effective practices.

First, we will notice what patterns you have been using. You can also notice similar patterns in observing other people.

Next, we will notice the results that people get when they use the different patterns. Note that people respond to the labels or evaluations that they construct in language. People do not just respond to what they observe directly. People also respond to the experience that they organize through language from their direct observations.

How do certain patterns in language organize their patterns of activity? How do certain narratives select certain details as important and fit those details in to a pre-existing theme or pattern? What presumptions or linguistic concepts guide how they interpret their actual observations, project specific intentions on to other people, and then respond to the projected intentions?

We will observe how most people communicate. We will observe the kinds of results that they get, such as frustration, from using language inattentively and from a state of naive exhaustion.

We will also notice a few contrasting patterns in the use of language. We can exaggerate certain patterns to add contrast and clarity. We can go to extremes of both vagueness and precision, plus both simplicity and complexity. We can contrast the extremes of blind presumptiveness with tedious inquisitiveness.

We will explore absolutely any contrasts that allow us to dramatically increase our satisfaction with the results that we get from communication. If we can get valuable results from a particular contrast, then we will develop the ability to communicate according to the vocabulary of that particular effective frame of reference.

As a sidenote, why is it that so many people can be so frustrated with the results of their communication practices? How is it that they maintain investment in ineffective practices? Who benefits from that pattern?

We know that there are institutions which train people to use language in certain specific ways, such as schools and churches and the mass media. Why do some people form those institutions to promote certain patterns of linguistic behavior? Why do some people support the perpetuation of those institutions or even the expansion of them?

Consider this. An empire values terrified, compliant “human resources.” The human resources are influenced so that they perform the functions that make the empire survive and thrive. The survival and thriving of the individual organisms is certainly not essential to the health of the institution or empire.

In fact, the linguistic empowerment of the masses is contrary to the interests of the rulers. The target is a state of constant exhaustion, blind reactivity, contained dissent, programmed antagonisms, paranoias, and hysterias, plus unwavering compliance to the essential rituals and sacred beliefs of the governing empire.

The logical advantage: results beyond mainstream hysterias

September 9, 2014

Logic is what makes the difference

 

Have you ever considered the possible value of studying logic? Logic involves a specific kind of attention to language.

We’ll explore exactly what logic is in a moment. First, why would we explore logic? What benefit could it have?



The logical advantage

Logic is what makes the difference between people understanding each other or people arguing and fighting. It is very helpful for clear, concise, efficient communication.

Logic is also what makes the difference between investors who consistently make far above average profits and investors who are surprised by huge losses (occasionally or frequently). Surprised investors may get embarrassed about their losses, then even panic and start blaming others for their own choices (to gamble without a full comprehension of the actual risks). In other words, if they previously recognized and expected certain possible risks, then they would not be surprised if that outcome develops. So, therefore their surprise is an indication of their prior lack of attention to that potential result.
For instance, people may say, ”but I have a piece of paper right here guaranteeing that the insurance company will pay me in a case like this!” Shapes of ink on paper do not guarantee that the insurance company will be in business or will have the funds to keep every single promise (within a huge pile of unfunded promises) that it has made.

Legal guarantees are just legal guarantees. They are not actual restrictions on future developments, right?

Someone attentive to logic will recognize what a legal guarantee is and what it is not. They will also recognize (without emotional distress) that an insurance company is a business that is accumulating a huge collection of legal liabilities and then gambling on the possibility that the company will have enough new revenues (like from monthly premiums) to cover whatever legal obligations they have at any particular time.

Or, people may say, “but the government regulates this kind of investment, so it must be safe because the government would never support anything that was not beneficial to all of the participants involved.” With that hysterical “logic,” the people who buy state lottery tickets will brag about how they “know” that they have better odds than the people who play bingo at church or who play slot machines at the casino. “We know that our lottery tickets are good investments because we bought them directly from the government!”


Logic vs. mainstream hysterias

We can generally contrast logic with hysteria (as in distress or panic). Let’s consider now how presumptions and frustrations can be experienced in two totally distinct ways.

Someone attentive to logic will recognize frustration as a signal that there is a presumption that differs from reality. They may be curious or even committed to identifying the various presumptions (which are often unstated) and then assessing each presumption relative to the higher standard of reality. Imprecise presumptions can be refined. Irrelevant presumptions can be discarded.

They can calmly look for the unfulfilled interest behind the frustration, then discard or refine methods that are ineffective (disappointing). The frustration and disappointment are welcomed as opportunities to identify potential sources of huge improvements in efficiency and satisfaction. All of this contrasts sharply with hysterical reactions.

In a panic of distressed hysteria, the logical functions of the brain can get buried under the stress hormones designed for physical activity (for fleeing and for fighting). When there is a contrast between presumptions and reality, terror floods through the organism. Instead of favoring the actual reality as the higher standard over the presumption, some aspect(s) of reality may be neglected or even condemned as “wrong” or “something that should not be.”

The presumption (though clearly inconsistent with reality) may be worshiped, then defended, justified, and glorified. Reality is devalued or even totally sacrificed while the presumption is elevated to the status of divine.

Contrary evidence (or even a skeptical curiosity) can be targeted as threatening. Displays of aggression (arrogance) may arise in an effort to distract attention away from obsolete presumptions (and the faulty logic that depends on them).

Agonizing may develop because the rejection of reality requires an anxious intellectual activity (in regard to how to fix reality to make it conform to the favored presumption). Also, there can be agonizing about any future reality that is contrary to an important presumption: how can that embarrassing “evil” be prevented? The result can be political campaigns and even the mass programming of curriculum to promote one perception over any perception that threatens the recognition of the presumption as just a presumption.

 

The hysterical will anxiously ask “how can we make the world from how it should not be in to how it should be (according to whatever presumptions)?” They will collect in to groups of fundamentalists and fanatics and then fight all of the other hysterical idealists who agree with them that the world should not be how it is, but who only agree on a portion of the presumptions about how the world should be.

“Those people are crazy hysterical idealists who only agree with me about 86% of how reality should be (or certainly no more than 97%). How can they be so foolish? What is it with people these days?!?! Let me think of all of the irrelevant reasons that I can use to justify dismissing the very frightening display of skepticism and alternate interpretations!”


Frustration: a threat or an ally?
So, those in hysterical panics have no real appreciation for their frustration as a signal to slow down and invest in logic. They just go back and forth from one level of frustration and anxiety to another: moderate, extreme, a brief relief through exhaustion, then another round of escalating frustration, resentment, and animosity.

“Those horrible other people are getting in the way of me fixing reality so that it conforms to how I wish it would be! In fact, I think some of them may be to blame for reality being how it is (and for my very important presumptions being inconsistent with the inconvenient and frustrating details of reality). Actually, it is not reality that is frustrated me, but those unreal people over there- yes, so unreal- who are the ones who are frustrating me. I need to do something about them. This frustration should not be how it is. I deserve better. I should not be in this hell. Once those people stop ruining everything, then I am going to fix reality (to make it from how it actually is in to how it should be) so that I can earn my way in to an eternal heaven eventually, but just not yet.”

Recall the teaching of the Ancient Hebrew prophet Isaiah: “Note that some worship without effect, teaching human presumptions as if they are the highest standards of reality.”

(In the Gospels of Mark and of Matthew, Jesus Christ directly quotes that teaching of Isaiah. Comprehension of these teachings in modern Judaism and Christianity are evidently quite rare.)

What if we respected frustration instead of condemning it, avoiding it, fearing it? What if we recognized what presumptions are? What if we respected how they can be useful, but also can lead to confusing one thing for something else? What if we were alert to the dangers of presumptive idealism and making our preferences in to full-scale hysterical idolatry?

Presumptions do not need to be avoided (which would be an extreme of delusional perfectionism). Presumptions can be respected without worshiping them in hysteria or defending them in a panic. Presumptions can be recognized, then evaluated objectively by measuring reality, and then updated or discarded.



So what exactly is logic?

Logic is a specific kind of attentiveness to language (a certain kind of mindfulness). Studying logic, we can explore how certain initial presumptions or speculations can be connected to a later assertion or claim. We can even notice how certain pre-existing conclusions can be justified or rationalized through constructing certain premises or seeking out certain information as evidence, then presenting it in order to bias others toward our pre-existing conclusion.  In mild hysteria, unsound logic is also used to resist reality and learning, and then that process can be ironically labeled by the hysterical one as “skepticism.”

The presenting of particular information as evidence (even as justifying a conclusion deemed favorable) may be done in a few different ways. We could call some presentations logical and some presumptive or even hysterical.

Here are some examples:

Cholesterol levels are high around tissues that are damaged, therefore cholesterol is the sole possible cause of the damage to the tissue.

Fire trucks are frequently present near burning buildings, therefore fire trucks are the sole possible cause of the fires that burn the buildings.

Once a particular presumption is worshiped as sacred, then all forms of skepticism about it are considered threats. Curiosity becomes the most disturbing of all possibilities (as George Orwell would have said, “in a time of universal deceit and denial”).

But the idea that mass hysteria and delusion are especially new is also presumptive. Sure, modern systems of indoctrination (such as cable television and public schools with their common core curriculums) are unusually efficient. With advanced technology, tiny groups can promote a historic extreme in consensus groupthink among immense masses of people. However, what if logic has never been especially popular?

Why are people so easily deceived when a perceived authority announces a new cause for hysteria and paranoia? When the high priest of the ministry of health presents a correlation about high levels of cholesterol as a cause, why are people so naïve? Why do they then defend their presumption to avoid being revealed as naïve?

It is simple enough. The ancient reptilian brain takes over the neurological functioning of the masses. The elite recognize this and create programming systems to install propaganda.


The logic of programming hysterias

A group of naïve people herded together in to a kindergarten class can be fed information like “cholesterol is a substance that your liver makes to poison you.” Then, they can be manipulated in to repeating back the propaganda slogans to receive social validation from the teacher in front of the whole class. They are given report cards and, if their blind conformity is sufficient, then they get promoted to higher grade levels and eventually receive a diploma or even a PhD.

The same basic methods are used in churches as well. In other settings, like plantations, the use of propaganda is less emphasized in favor of physical coercion, torture, and threat of human sacrifice.

In the specific case of taxation, the agents of the government intimidate their economic resources, promoting compliance through threats of arrest, incarceration, asset seizure, garnishment, and foreclosure. To minimize rebellion and competition, the government agents criminalize unauthorized acts of extortion. This maintains a near monopoly on extortion within their system of taxation to redistribute wealth from their human resources to the agents of coercion.

Once the masses are sufficiently terrified in to compliance, then the court system can dictate what form of payment of the invented tax liabilities is allowed. A court could allow taxes to be paid in many different ways, like wheat, firewood, or gold. Or, a court may allow only one form of payment.

Whether a court accepts several kinds of payment or just one form of payment, their system of intimidation can create a lasting surge in public demand for that form of payment. In the case of the Confederate States of the Southern U.S. in the 1860s (the Civil War era), certain pieces of paper were accepted as a valid way to pay taxes to the ruling court system. However, as soon as that court system was defeated and the ruling court system was suddenly the United States (not the Confederacy), then public demand for the confederate currency disappeared almost instantly.

What is the basis of power for every government in human history? The rulers have military superiority over the ruled.

Further, lots of propaganda can be publicized to discourage people from recognizing that guns are what give courts power, not incidental things like gold. (Without the guns of the court system, the people would not be interested in gathering gold to pay debts to their well-armed extorters who dictate that only gold can be used in repaying the debt… because the court system has created a monopoly of exclusive access to all the gold mines in the region.)

Governments may say that “Unauthorized killing is a shameful crime.” Then, they may add that military drafts are sacred institutions and that failure to participate in government-approved slaughters and genocides is also an even more shameful crime.

However, there is no objective difference between one slaughter and another. Every government justifies their own slaughters (usually as revenge for other slaughters or as pre-emptive strikes to protect the masses from… unauthorized warfare).

But for those deep in programmed hysterias, these ideas may be disturbing or spark shame or guilt. “Are you saying that the story of Santa Claus was deceptive and not literally true in every detail? But I do not want it to be true that I used to be naïve. I would rather to have never been naïve and certainly not now. Go away, you pesky jerk. You are too analytical. It is infuriating.”

So, they may launch heroic crusades to save the world from deception (and from corrupt governments). What other kind of governments are there? There are many fantasy governments that exist in language, but perhaps have little resemblance to anything evident in actual human history.

So what is the logical advantage?

The logical advantage is to welcome the recognition of hysterias and similar mass delusions. We respect them. We do not deny them or try to hide them or prevent them or even justify them.

We just respect that hysterias exist (or at least might). We do not worship them constantly with sincere condemnations or any other form of attention.

What we do is to welcome our own interests. We do not relate to them with shame (even if we modestly keep them private or secret… or pretend that they are not what they are).

We can respect the Hebrew Commandment of “do not commit perjury” (as we respect the immense power of court systems of extortion and intimidation). We can recognize that “thou shalt not lie” is simply a behavioral manipulation, not a credible translation of an ancient criminalization of perjury. When we are under the physical domination of a regulatory supervisor, then we can respect that reality.

 
We do not harbor any hang-ups or fixations or attachments. If one shows up, we can recognize it and release it. We do not harbor hysterias.

Instead, we recognize our own interests and pursue them. We do not deny past naivete.

We do not worship sincerity as if good intentions were anything more than good intentions. We do not worship determination as if it would cure for frustration to just keep repeating the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
In other words, we respect this simple philosophical principle:

“If you have sincerity and determination, but not logic, then still you have nothing of real value. You are missing the point.”

(See 1 Corinthians 13 & 14)

What results do we get?

In regard to investing, we get consistent returns far above average. In regard to communication, we are attentive, discerning, selective, and effective.  In regard to health, we avoid the massive tangles of confusion produced by mainstream indoctrination about health (i.e. “poisonous cholesterol, demonic possession by a living entity called cancer, etc”) and we simply promote health (using highly efficient methods that we have no particular interest in any government institutions approving or publicizing).

In many other realms, we consistently produce far above average results. Why? It is not that our methods are actually all that radical or complex.

The masses just do things very inefficiently (in accord with their programming) and we avoid the massive pitfalls of complacent “tunnel vision.” By minimizing or entirely avoiding the immense risks of “average” methods, we consistently produce far above average results.

Why are ignorant jerks so frustrating?

March 27, 2014

We all begin with ignorance. In fact, we are so ignorant at first, that we do not even know it!

Without any effort, we can notice sensations like sounds and sights. We can observe things changing- contrasts and variations.

We may even experience repulsion in regard to other things that are stressful, like very bright lights or sudden loud noises. In contrast to repulsion (or simply a sense of caution toward the unfamiliar), we can also experience attraction to some things or interest in those things.  We can even experience both powerful curiosity and a conservative caution, like being very attentive to a surprising or even disturbing sound (very concerned and unable to focus on anything else, totally distracted or obsessed), but also very hesitant to actually act on our attraction, remaining completely still rather than attempting to identify the source of the sound.

We are still too surprised or shocked to know how to respond. At most, we pause for a period of alertness and simply wait to see if the excitement or stress fades.

So, while we are still ignorantly ignorant, we begin to take actions. We notice patterns, like every time we take a certain action, like crying, than there is a certain result. Maybe we learn that crying brings us attention from mother. Maybe every time that we cry, then she provides us milk. Of course, every pattern of cause and effect can change or even end.

So we can form expectations, but those expectations can be violated or disappointed. When expectations are disappointed, there can be a period of disorientation and confusion.

Confusion is quite distinct from merely being surprised. Surprise refers to the absence of expectation. Confusion instead refers to the presence of an expectation plus the violation of the expectation. I confuse one thing for another- I confuse what is actually happening for what I expected to be happening until I realize that what I expected and what is actually happening are not consistent. My expectation appears to have been simply wrong or imprecise. I was not just surprised by the presence of something unfamiliar, but by the absence of something familiar or expected. That can be quite exciting- even terrifying.

 

That confusion can lead next to a very distinct stage called exploration. Exploration is intentional learning to explore some mystery or curiosity by using a kind of logic called speculation. That is very distinct from a learning process that is accidental or incidental- like when we repeatedly take an instinctive action and then eventually observe a particular pattern of effects or results.

child on bike

Exploration involves a creative speculating. I may identify a series of actions or experiments to take in order to, first of all, confirm that my prior expectation really was violated. Second, I may attempt to identify other patterns of cause and effect that are beyond my previous presumptions about causes and effects.

So, experimentation is just an intentional exploration to identify cause and effect. Further, it may work well or not at all.

Is a particular experiment always valuable? Is it always fast? Is it always reliable? Are there ever inaccurate presumptions or logical speculations that are later determined to be questionable or even clearly imprecise?

The methods for measuring results can change. The attraction to particular results can shift (with the attraction increasing or decreasing, even to the point of repulsion, like the older child who no longer wants to be seen in public riding a tricycle).

Exploration can be frustrating. Why? Because prior experiments may have been generally fast and successful. Maybe an expectation has been formed that exploration would be easy- or should be easy.

I may expect that, supposing that a certain thing happens, or should it ever happen, then a particular effect will arise. “It simply must,” I could say in exasperation or desperation. “What are all of those other people doing ahead of me in this line? This is so unfair! Seriously? SERIOUSLY!?!?!”

Maybe I expect particular other people to be able to guide me. Maybe I expect them to not only have the ability to guide me but further to drop everything whenever I cry or whine so that they can have the great privilege of investing their time in to guiding me and supporting my explorations.

 

So, let’s review. We’ve covered the original ignorance, then observing sensations and contrasts, then experiencing attractions and repulsions, including very disruptive surprises. Further, we learned to form expectations, which can be disappointed, leading to confusion. We can experiment to resolve confusions, though that can be a source of great frustration or of great relief.

We can even reach a point of such desperation that we lash out at others to repel them or attempt to attract their involvement and assistance and expertise. When people are frustrated, they have been frustrated by violated expectations that are confusing to them.

Frustration is not a type of clarity, but a type of confusion- also mixed with a distinct attraction to a result. When people have had an expectation, then it has been violated leading to confusion, plus they are very attracted to some particular result, then they may experience frustration. Only during frustration, do they get desperate enough to speculate about blaming some alleged source of their repulsive experiences: like what to blame or who to blame for the frustration, confusion, and disappointment.

Someone like that may even be very irritable or highly sensitive about public observation of their confusion or disappointment. Even without any sense of blame, they may tend to be volatile and aggressive to protect themselves from interruption to their process of grieving and relaxing and intentional learning.

They may display behaviors that are unusual for them and be labeled a weirdo or a jerk. Others may ask “why are they so critical about such minor issues?” The simple answer may be that they currently prefer privacy and relaxation to publicity and stress. Maybe they attempt to minimize any interactions that are not very attractive and valuable to them, such as anything that they consider “too predictable” (as well as anything “too unpredictable”).

What is valuable to a person who is being a jerk? Like anyone else, they may value a sense of safety and perhaps also social validation. They may value interacting with people who display clarity and precision and competence- people that they are comfortable trusting.

They may be frustrated with anyone who seems to them to be desperately worshiping unreliable expectations. They may attribute very little value to people who seem to be afraid of any uncertainty or disappointment or frustration or controversy. They may especially value interacting with people who are experiencing a similar kind of exploration to their own.

Those jerks are being critical, being selective, being unusually logical. They have preferences and interests that may be rare or even exclusive. Other people may call them snobs. Oddly enough, these snobby snobs are in fact so snobby that when others criticize them, they do not even erupt in to tantrums of panic like normal people. Why aren’t they paranoid abot pleasing everyone all of the time?

They are total jerks. They are complete snobs.

By the way, I am not jealous of them. I do not wish I was as calm and comfortable as they are. That is crazy.

They suck because I do not understand them at all. How can they be like that? It is wrong. It violates my expectations. I hate them very much because I have no interest in them whatsoever.

In fact, they clearly should be more interested in me! It is a disgrace that they are so confusing and frustrating and disappointing.

I am ashamed of them. I am ashamed of how they act. I am ashamed of… um… I am ashamed… um… of…  oh, yeah… I am ashamed… of other people! And I am very proud of it, too.

Excuse me, but didn’t you just say, “I am ashamed…?”

No, I said that those other people, that they are shameful and horrible and upsetting because they do not behave the way that I expect them to and they owe it to me to fulfill all of my expectations because I am a very sincere person and that is just the way it is. I’m just telling it like it is here, right? Aren’t I? Don’t you agree with me?

I’m only asking you if you agree because I am planning to physically assault anyone who makes jokes about not agreeing with me with the proper enthusiasm like I deserve. In case you did not know, I am going straight to heaven just as soon as God realizes that I have earned being rewarded with eternal paradise… yeah, that’s right, baby- just as soon as God gets off of his snobby butt and starts eternity.

 

 

 

the self-righteous frustration of sincerely arrogant naive foolishness

February 16, 2014

someone wrote:

 

The world is fucked up folks. We’ve fucked up it for too long. I’m not talking about the people. I’m talking about earth. It is showing us how bad we’ve treated it. Snowing in places it never snowed before. South America is burning up. The ice is melting. Fukushima. Ocean dying. I’m telling you, it’s bad man, real bad. I blame the owners of the world. I’m talking about the real owners now… the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Those rich cock suckers. Fuck them. Fuck the governments. Fuck celebrities. Fuck the education system. Fuck the banks. Everyone can suck a big fat cock. And I am not mad, or aggravated. I’m very calm. I’m just tired of all the shit that’s going on and nobody’s talking about it. Fuck the cowards. Fuck the brainwashed idiots. Fuck your college careers and fuck your money too. Fuck your credit cards. And fuck your health insurance. Fuck everything you stand for if it’s not spiritual, consciousness, your role in this world, love, nature, music and all the GOOD THINGS about life. Fuck your success. Fuck you for being a bag of skin instead of a walking soul. Now go on about your day ….namaste

  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Fuck contempt. Fuck cynicism. Fuck divisive, frustrated animosity. Fuck sexual fucking activity.
  • Oh, and fuck profanity, you potty-mouthed fucker with so much courage that you posted a frustrated fucking rant on facebook. JK  😉 LMFAO

Inspiration, idealism, frustration, and maturity

November 12, 2013

nonsense

 

Inspiration is innate. We do not need to learn it. However, we can be trained to focus away from what inspires us. We may be distracted.

We may notice that all around us are powerful social influences. Certain people and groups have guided our attention and our behavior.

In our families, schools, and churches, we may be trained in various forms of idealism. Idealism means a specific model or pattern of how to relate.

Idealism organizes what we expect, what we respect, what we reject, what we value, and how exactly we respond to whatever we first notice and then value. So, we have all been exposed to these programs. The programs organize our lives, governing our experience. They systematically direct our values and our interpretations. They govern what we display, including what we may pretend to be.

The importance of idealism

Why is all of this important? Idealism can lead to us repressing some experiences and even rejecting them completely. We may numb ourselves to huge ranges of our own experience. What if instead we were suddenly respectful of all of our experiences?

Note that idealism has already trained us in what to respect as well as in what not to respect (or even to disrespect or reject). We respect certain things more than others. For instance, which do you respect more: the current laws where you live now or the laws that used to be dominant a few thousand years ago in a location far away from you? Do you give more respect to your native language or to a language which is foreign to you and totally incomprehensible?

Idiota identificate idioma idiotica.” (To the one who is ignorant, everything unfamiliar will be labeled nonsense. What a fool in the dark does not perceive or comprehend, they may even claim cannot exist. They close their eyes to relax, to cope with their fear of the dark and what horrors may be in it.)

A new respect

So, here are two realms that we could respect now (which we may not have been respecting already). First, we could respect the systems which have influenced our experiences. Second, we could respect all of our own experiences which we have been rejecting (perhaps even some experiences that we have been rejecting so completely that we might be totally ignorant of them).

Once we recognize that there are systems that have been influencing us, we could respect the various systems which have influenced our experiences. We can begin to notice the extent of their influence.

Have you ever noticed people investing huge amounts of time and energy in to ferociously competing with each other over which idealism is ideal, glorifying one ideal and condemning all the rest? It can be exhausting just to witness.

What if we respect all systematic programming of idealism as fundamentally similar? What if we respect the programming of a variety of ideals? The diversity of conflicting idealisms can lead to masses of people polarizing in to opposing concentrations of fanaticism. These opposing factions of idealism may erupt in to animosity, rivalries, feuds, and wars.

Respecting condemnation

All of those behaviors correspond to the experience of feeling threatened, as in insecure, as in afraid. Of all experiences that are systematically repressed and condemned, the condemnation of fear may be the most common.

Of course, condemning itself is a frightened behavior. The condemning of condemnation is the logical extreme of irony (and hypocrisy).

English: Managing emotions - Identifying feelings

English: Managing emotions – Identifying feelings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Respecting the full range of emotions

We can categorize human emotions in to two basic groups: emotions of attraction and of repulsion. Further, we can consider a spectrum of inward and outward variations, like emotions of withdrawing or retreating as distinct from combative emotions of aggressively repelling. These “fight or flight” responses are both frightened reactions.

Among the emotions of attraction, there are receptive or inviting emotions like gratitude, delight, and enthusiasm, but also more assertive or aggressive emotions of attraction like inspiration, lust and greed. Some emotions are considered more masculine or more feminine, as well as more encouraged or discouraged.

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Respecting frustration

Notice that frustration is one of the most conflicted of emotions. There is an interest in a possible outcome, then a sense that the possibility has been frustrated. A particular method had been identified in the hope of fulfilling the interest. However, after investing energy in to that method, the results have not been fulfilling but disappointing.

There is an interest, a hope in a method, an investment in to that method, and then a disappointment. But there is more to frustration.

Frustration is not mere disappointment. In the case of mere disappointment, there may still be a sense of calm and curiosity. If the initial interest is still a priority, then the curiosity will result in the exploring of other methods besides the method that was disappointing.

Frustration implies not only disappointment, but fear. There is a fear of failure present- a recognition that the interest might not be fulfilled. However, even with the disappointment and fear, there is also a distress. That distress is the conflict of being afraid and disappointed, but also being afraid to admit being afraid and disappointed.

When someone is frustrated, they may say things like “I wish this was working, but it clearly is not, and yet it really SHOULD!?!?” There is an element of confusion in frustration that is not present in disappointment.

Respecting confusion

What could be the source of the confusion that frustrates us? Could we be confused because of respecting an ideal which we have been trained to value and defend, but which is clearly inconsistent with our own direct experience?

Idiota identificator omniscient, humiliati!” (The one who is ignorant and claims to know everything, they will be humbled.)

It can be stressful to pretend that an ideal is realistic when here is extensive evidence contradicting a particular presumption or ideal. Such a pretense can lead to intense frustration.

“How do I advance my own interest without discarding an old model which I do not want to admit might be obsolete? I could keep trying what is obviously not working! I could complain loudly and hope that someone cares enough to come and rescue me from my confusion and distress. I could have a tantrum of frustration!”

Respecting tantrums

“I should NOT be frustrated! It is not that my ideals are idealistic. My ideals are self-evident, which is why I desperately avoid reviewing the original logical process which led to the forming of my sacred, self-evident ideals.”

“So, I will viciously ridicule or even physically attack anyone who questions my ideals. I will blame them for my frustration. I will have a tantrum, and then another, and then finally some more tantrums, all along blaming other people for annoying me with their attention and their unfamiliar perspectives, which they should have kept to themselves, especially if I directly asked them to share. They deserve to be the targets of my abusive tantrums of self-righteous, justified frustration.”

“By the way, I am NOT frustrated. I am not in distress. I am not in hell. I’m a very happy person! I was always totally happy until THOSE people came along and frustrated ME by witnessing the disappointment that I desperately am afraid of admitting is present.”

“Things should not be how they are. Things should fit my sacred idealism. I do not feel guilty for questioning my ideals because they are self-evident and I do not doubt them at all. In fact, I resent anyone who suggests that I might have ideals clouding my perception.”

“My ideals are the very best ideals in the history of idealism. I might admit that everyone else says the same thing, too, but they only say that because all of them are naively sincere, while I am clearly heroic in my loyalty to my ideals which are definitely not obsolete now because they never will be. My ideals are eternal. Everyone else’s ideals (unless they agree with mine, of course) are temporary and passing and idealistic. My ideals are the best. That is why I am always so happy and never ever frustrated, you know, like all of those other people who are so negative that they condemn contempt and so on. Don’t you just hate people like that? They are just SO dramatic, right? Plus, they could really use some more sincerity. By the way, naïvely sincere loyalty is in no way connected to frustration. So, in conclusion, because I do not deserve to be frustrated and because I should not ever be frustrated, therefore I am not now and never have been. Seriously, do NOT question me on this!”

Respecting terrified ill will

There are many social institutions designed to measure the spectrum of mental health or mental illness in a governed population. Those who demonstrate certain remarkable behaviors are likely to be identified and regulated (such as medicating them to subdue them or immobilize them).

I consider many emotions to be behaviors. Agonizing is an activity. Frustration also requires activity to escalate the original disappointment in to a full-blown tantrum of distress.

When we think of emotions like delight or rage, we can also think of facial expressions and physical gestures. However, all of those may be the results of a more subtle form of behavior: linguistic behavior.

English: Emotions

English: Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Respecting maturity

Recall that social institutions train us in what to value, what to repress, and what to pretend. We are trained in how to relate to our experiences in regard to how we label sensations and organize them in to perceptions.

What portion of reality do we perceive? A tiny fraction. With all of the sensations available to us, we filter out the vast majority of them and then focus on certain details as “important” and then organize those important details in to our experience.

How does one shift from the experience of frustration to maturity? First, one must admit to having had the experience of frustration, plus consider how it could be important. Without recognizing the importance of frustration, there would be no interest in learning from the process of frustration. There would be no distressed discontent to drive us toward maturity.

Maturity involves being perceptive of frustration and of idealism. The more precisely and quickly that I can identify frustration and idealism (in others but also in myself), then the more mature I am.

What is the distance between me and inspiration? There is no distance. Frustration arises only because there is an underlying inspiration which has been frustrated.

What has frustrated our inspiration? Idealism about how we should be and how we should not be serve the function of repressing certain inspirations and encouraging others.

Respecting social institutions

Will there ever be a social institution which does not repress certain inspirations and promote others? Will there ever be a social institution that does not bias people and train them in what to respect, what to reject, what to pretend, and so on?

What if the sole purpose of social institutions was to influence or govern human experience? What if my attention has been influenced? What if my behavior has been influenced?

Is this something to hide? Is this something to be ashamed of? Is this something to pretend is impossible because it conflicts with a social ideal that I may have been worshiping in idolatry?

Embracing maturity

Those who are open to frustration and grief (as in disappointment) have a remarkable opportunity. Because they are not terrified and ashamed of fear, frustration and grief (as in disappointment), they have a unique perceptiveness and clarity.

They are like people who are beginning to open their eyes as they live amongst a culture whose eyes are closed. Their advantage over the masses may be enormous. They may perceive things sooner and much more precisely than the masses.

They may accurately assess opportunity and danger, rather than rejecting all perceptions of danger in a hysterical, paranoid, new age panic of “anti-fear condemnation.” They embrace balance, rather than pretend that there is such a thing as a one-sided piece of paper. (In fact, they simply reject the idea that there SHOULD be such a thing as a one-sided piece of paper.)

Further, they may value the contrary opinions of others, at least occasionally. They may value interaction with others who are mature and respectful and insightful. They may seek out such interaction and divest from what is not working well in order to explore more attractive opportunities.

What is your interest in such conversations? What frustrations are you willing to release? What threatening idealisms are you willing to stop condemning, if only for a moment so you can pause to close your eyes and relax?

 

How to stop experiencing fear in 666 simple steps

September 20, 2013

Do you know how to stop experiencing fear? Do you know how to stop experiencing frustration?

First, by resisting the experience of frustration, does that perpetuate the experience and multiply it… or relieve the frustration and the fear behind the frustration? Do you recognize that frustration IS frightened and indeed IS the resisting of fear?

How do you stop being frustrated (resisting fear)? Stop resisting the fear. Experience the fear. Calm down. Stop pushing so hard and pretending not to be afraid.

Harry re-experiencing an event from his youth

Harry re-experiencing an event from his youth (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The frustration is a signal of fear. What exactly is feared? The trigger for frustration is probably related to the actual fear, but probably is a bit of a diversion or obscuring of the primary fear- like the one that when you reference that fear directly, that alters breathing and causes tears to come to the eyes.

So, you may say that the situation is bad. You may fear it “getting worse.”

What exactly does that mean? (Like how could it get “worse” that you would fear?)

Samantha talks with her bridesmaids

Samantha talks with her bridesmaids (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you notice that, then you can also notice a contrasting possibility: how “it” could be better, what you value, what you would appreciate, what you hope for. Rather than pretend not to value some outcome more than another, rather than pretend not to experience hope or disappointment or fear of disappointment, one could notice that the pretending has been pretending.

Beyond all of the pretense of advaita and similar forms of spirituality, there is the shifting of human experience. The spiritual disciplines provide for a “game” in which the emotions can be respected, then recognized, then even appreciated.

So, we begin by ignoring the game of spirituality, then being involved in it (because our family “expects” it, etc), then perhaps being cynical (rebelling against the family), then a renewed sincere interest (probably in a different form than whatever our family encouraged), then perhaps obsession and addiction, then sincerely “telling everyone” how great it is and how they should all be less like how they are and more like how we pretend to be (AKA “being a total asshole/ provoking people/ driving them away/ fucking with them”), and so on. We eventually get disappointed by the game, recognizing the futility of the pretense, and that may be the outcome for which the game is designed (which is consistently available through fully playing the game of spirituality): it can only be won by recognizing the game as a game and then quitting. By quitting, then one can actually play the game as just a game.

How do we stop being frustrated? We do not. We accept that being frustrated is just being frustrated temporarily and does not alter “who I am.” Then, the momentum of the resisting diminishes.The resisting is the source of the frustration.

Scared child

Scared child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How do we stop resisting fear? Be afraid. Welcome it. Study it. Respect it. Appreciate it.

First, fear it. Then, permanently avoid focusing on the subject of reverse psychology. It is very frustrating to attempt to pretend not to be focusing on something by focusing on it.

After you have completed those two steps, then I can tell you the other 664 steps which consistently and inevitably lead to a spiritual awakening. You are very close. Just keep striving and concentrating and stressing over the issue.

Do not keep making the situation worse by relating to the situation as if it should not be how it is. Do not keep resisting fear by pretending that you are beyond fear because you are so spiritually arrogant that you no longer experience fear.

You are desperately terrified of fear. You are frightened of terror.

You are just like billions of other humans. So what?
What if you stopped trying to “get somewhere” just for a moment? What if you were okay with “getting nowhere” (no desperate, anxious urge to escape from your experience- including your emotions)? What if you calmed down and recognized your fears and your hopes clearly, then accepted pretense and avoidance as possible behavioral choices that you might practice in a moment of fear? What if you welcomed emotion and the variety of human experience? Would finally be reborn as a mere human, once again?

Part 1 of 2: FRUSTRATION, resignation, and Zen / Adavita / Jnana Yoga

April 23, 2013
SB said of the following content:
“Hats off to both of you. Daniel was incredibly brave and JR was incredibly thoughtful.”
English: Kevala Jnana of Mahavira

English: Kevala Jnana of Mahavira (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Daniel Fritschler
Another day and another dollar…oh well when you are a misunderstood dimwitted prick like me what else to do? It isn’t as though love is an option so might as well continue on the path to hate and say all of the ignorant things so I can keep my perfect record going. Point is I will never understand anything it is all so tricky and to be a dimwit I might as well continue to speak with a forked tongue…what fun would it be to be in a place “beyond” wrong and right doing. What fun would it be to be in a place “beyond” choosing a side and then trying to make everybody else agree with me? What fun would it be to understand that love and joy are conditionless and as soon as we put conditions on life we have eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I am evil…I am good…I am indifferent or I am what I am. Does it even matter really?

 

J R Fibonacci Hunn Well, “if it is alright with you,” then resignation is certainly an option. Do you any more detail to share in public about what has been going on for you (or in private)?
  • Daniel Fritschler Really nothing just random, seemingly for no reason bouts of frustration??? Why am I frustrated no idea…
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Frustration typically is a sign of an unfulfilled desire or commitment. There is also irritability- but 
    “for no reason” probably means there is a reason, but until you relax enough to be aware of it, it will be “a mystery.” However, people around you may have some suggestions for what is important to you that, when unfulfilled, precedes moments of frustration.
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Sometimes the issue is that frustration is so familiar as a way of attracting attention from others, that it is instantly there. Maybe you just want certain kinds of interactions (or to avoid certain kinds of interaction). Frustration is always a signal of SOMETHING. As you relax, clarity will arise naturally without any effort needed, though some “effort” may also arise naturally.
    3 hours ago · Edited · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn If the desire is something you consider “evil,” then the kind of comments you made above would reveal the kind of ego inhibitions that are being “pushed” in to consciousness by the desire. “Do people understand me? Shouldn’t they?!?!”
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn “hate or love?” “what should I say?” “Why don’t THEY get it/get me?”
  • Daniel Fritschler pretty silly when you put it that way…
  • Daniel Fritschler probably right on though
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Look for unfulfilled expectation (of yours in particular but even of others). Do you expect others to have similar expectations as you? Do you expect others to value the “objectivity” of refraining from arguing?
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Are you frustrated if others keep wanting to argue? Are you frustrated because other people are?
  • Daniel Fritschler it doesn’t really matter who or what gets me i suppose. what is there to get I have alienated the world and there is no way to take any of that back. So now it is what it is
  • Daniel Fritschler no i am frustrated because I feel as though it doesn’t matter who agrees or who argues there is just nobody around and i suppose that is my fault in a sense
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn or maybe “I have alienated the world” is imprecise. You may have invested in behaviors that produced relative seclusion or privacy. So what?
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Ok, so you want to reach out and you are not reaching out. (to other people)
  • Daniel Fritschler agreed. Most moments so what? But some moments is seems frustrating
  • Daniel Fritschler correct in a sense
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Ok, when you feel the disappointment of too much privacy, then reach out. When you feel too much interaction, slow down or withdraw.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes there is a balance to be had and I am working on that balance. Reality is there is noone to reach out to. Which I am sure has something to do with the way I reach out. What is done is done so just to accept isolation is all that is left I guess
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn forget “there is no one to reach out to.” that is just medicine. after you take the medicine and recover, then stop taking the medicine.
    3 hours ago · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn if there is isolation, you could accept it. If there is an urge to connect and commuincate, you can act on it or not.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes this is all being created for nothing. Just a “bad habit” i suppose maybe I should just resign maybe it is time
  • Daniel Fritschler I am unable to communicate how I feel obviously which is part of the problem cant find the words
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn then shut up and listen
    3 hours ago · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn or interact with very little kids or animals. they will not distract you with words.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes the sounds of silence which I do enjoy…it seems you have cleared up my “problem” for the moment. Thanks
    3 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn I presume that you want to interact with a variety of people in a variety of ways, but you can focus first on whatever is the most resonant for you. Go to a loud concert. NO one will complain that you are not talking much!
    3 hours ago · Edited · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn More important than communicating what you feel can be to just feel what you feel. Take the opportunity to feel. When you are ready to communicate, you will.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes that is exactly what I needed to hear…feel it and the time will come when putting words to it will come. sounds “right” or sounds like that is the source of the frustration
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Sharing the feelings is as simple as being present with someone. Anyone attentive and perceptive will feel the feeling without you saying anything. Also, I do things like play music (write music or listen to it). I watch comedy. I do lots of things to “nurture” my emotional health- from sad music to angry music to funny music to amazing virtuousity.
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn If you are frustrated that you are not doing everything, then do more. If you are frustrated that you are doing too much of something, then do less or just stop, at least for a while.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes it seems this just takes getting used to. It is too easy to still believe a thought and run with it but everything you are saying is right on. Just feeling like a poor little me at times still but I understand that is just holding onto comforting lies and not letting go
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn We may get accustomed to being pressured a lot- by parents, school, work. When that familiar pressure is not present, it may be strange- even disorienting. That is normal.
    3 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Daniel Fritschler yes exactly
  • Daniel Fritschler It seems I need to just sit back and enjoy what it is that I enjoy and everything else will take care of itself. this is what at times I am not doing and becoming frustrated
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Interacting and communicating can be good for bringing the thoughts in to attention. Instead of having them run around in the background, you can write them down- even if you send them to no one.
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn If you are pretending not to enjoy things you enjoy, that could be very frustrating.
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn it takes a lot of energy to maintain a pretense like that.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes maybe I should start writing them down and not sharing foolishness with others. Yes it does take a lot of energy need to stop fighting what is.
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn it can be good to have some inhibitions on “getting lost” in enjoyment. Fighting and inhibitions are part of what is.
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn enjoy in moderation. write stuff down in moderation. share things in moderation. “fight what is” in moderation.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes moderation…the middle road…everything in moderation that sounds peaceful enough
    3 hours ago · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn and then be aware that there are times to be extreme as well, so “everything in moderation- including moderation itself”
  • Daniel Fritschler yes so just flow instead of trying to guess or effect the flow
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn peace- in moderation. activity and conflict- in moderation.
    3 hours ago · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn go with the flow- in moderation. effect the flow- in moderation. Remember, you are the flow. Occasionally it is useful to take the medicine of “there is nothing but THE FLOW” … but only in moderation.
  • Daniel Fritschler so the recurring theme here is moderation in moderation and lack of this is causing frustration
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn well, you know, what they say: “frustration- in moderation.”
  • Daniel Fritschler haha yes I suppose they do. So all is the part and part is in the all.
  • Daniel Fritschler the whole point is to welcome it and not fight it when it is happening
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn the cure for feeling frustrated is to feel the frustration.
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn or at least that is what “they” say.
  • Daniel Fritschler yes just like everything else feel it no need to verbalize it
  • Daniel Fritschler yes “they”
  • Daniel Fritschler Very good my friend appreciate it all
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn there is something about verbalizing that is also a recurring theme. there are things that you want to talk about/chat about and people that you want to talk to. stop pretending otherwise. We can talk again another time. if you want to send me contact info, go ahead.
    2 hours ago · Like · 1

 

 


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