simple solution to economic problems

Government official proposes simple
solution to economic problems

“Okay people, listen. This is so
simple, okay? The singular and exclusive cause of all of our nation’s
financial problems is obviously too much freedom of choice among the
masses because they have way too much money, which means that tax
rates are just way too low and there is not nearly enough government
spending,” said the President of Germany today, Ludwig Von Mises.
Gasoline prices in Germany are currently over nine dollars per
gallon.

In the UK, where gasoline prices are
over eight dollars per gallon today, Prime Minister Rothschild
disagreed, arguing that the problem is not a lack of government
spending or unfairly low tax rates, but too much innovation,
intelligence and personal responsibility. “These plagues must be
eradicated from our nation or else we will face total collapse at
exactly 6:32 PM next Friday.”

In Alaska, where the state government
has a huge budget surplus and totally coincidentally also just
happens to be a leading oil-producing region on this planet, Vice
President Sarah Palin said today that “rising gasoline prices in no
way effect the budgets of households, businesses or governments. That
irresponsible speculation is a conspiracy theory designed to distract
people from important things like

the price of golden apples or the price
of silverado pick-up trucks from Chevrolet. What we really need is to
abolish Federal Express, and then everything will be fine. Until
Federal Express is eradicated, the job security of incompetent postal
workers in Alaska will never be 100% safe. These incompetent postal
workers are an underprivileged minority that deserves job security
even if it takes the productivity of ten non-postal employees to
support each incompetent postal worker. As a leading spokesperson
against Federal Express, I promise to bring down evil villains like
Federal Express in order to save the world from Federal Express by
bringing them down by any means necessary in order to just you know
bring them the heck down!”

Tune in later today as we interview
Vice President Sarah Palin, who is joined by President Ron Paul and
the new Minister of Economic Security for the North American Union,
H. Ross Perot. “Okay people, listen. This is so simple, okay? The
singular and exclusive cause of all of our nation’s financial
problems is obviously too much freedom of choice among the masses
because they have way too much money, which means that tax rates are
just way too low and there is not nearly enough government spending.
Y’all just need to give more power to bureaucrats so they can save
humanity from all them regular humans and also from geology and
economics and all that crap about so-called reality. That’s all I’m
saying. The government is gonna fix prices to be the same everywhere
and never change, so we is gonna set your salary and your rent and
gasoline prices and make your health care decisions for you and stuff
like that which regular people just don’t wanna have to think about.
Plus, we promise to guarantee total job security by just hiring
everyone to work for the postal service in Alaska. That’s all I’m
saying. If you don’t like how winter is so cold, the government can
fix that for you. If you don’t like how your kids are so immature,
we’ll pass a law to make them mature immediately. We fix stuff. We’re
the government!”

“High Gas Prices Frustrated Local Residents. Wisconsin
Gov. Tommy Thompson demanded that the EPA…” fix everything.
(year 2000:
http://www.mhhe.com/biosci/pae/environmentalscience/casestudies/case18.mhtml
)

(ad lib…)

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