Lyrics: “VOTE HARDER!”

If a tree lost in a forest throws itself to the ground and kicks around
but there’s no one there to notice, will it still make a sound?
If a voter on election day throws a tantrum on the way to the booth
but never pulls the lever, will their rage still count? Vote harder!
Welcome to daily news. We’ll talk politics soon but first a short report on sports….
Today in football, the rules changed so now there’s only one ref per game.
Plus, each team gets twenty players on the field at once.
So nearly twice the players with just a single ref…
What could possibly go wrong?
Now on to other news, the state’s budget just doubled for the tenth time.
Next, personnel is five times what it used to be.
And there’s been no change to the size of the house of reps.
What could possibly go wrong?

(Stay tuned. We’ll be right back after a brief word from our sponsors.)

 

If a tree lost in a forest throws itself to the ground and kicks around
but there’s no one there to notice, will it still make a sound?
If a voter on election day throws a tantrum on the way to the booth
but never pulls the lever, will their rage still count? Vote harder!
Welcome back to the news. Thanks for staying tuned in. That’s our show for today. See you again in two hours for the exact same program.
Like yesterday, today’s broadcast was brought to you by the Association of Football Players and the Alliance of Cops Against Brutality. The AFP promises to monitor the actions of all pro football athletes so they all follow the rules very closely, at least when the ref is looking. The ACAB promises to monitor the actions of all cops so they follow the rules very closely, at least when the state reps aren’t too busy preparing their speeches for next year’s big ACAB conference where all the state reps are getting paid to give speeches speaking out against corruption, bribery, and police brutality.
Thanks for watching our TV network. Always remember that our network cares about you the most. If you have any suggestions about our programs, be sure to write a detailed letter and mail it to your local 911 emergency hotline, who alert you that, due to heavy volume, they will respond to each request in the order that it was received and they thank you for your patience.
Up next is a program about a former football ref who says that what we really need to do to stop police brutality is to triple the number of officers. After that is a movie about a former cop who solves the problem of cheating in pro wrestling by handing out blindfolds to all the refs.
If a tree lost in a forest throws itself to the ground and kicks around
but there’s no one there to notice, will it still make a sound?
If a voter on election day throws a tantrum on the way to the booth
but never pulls the lever, will their rage still count? Vote harder!

[Note the sign below, which says “refs are overpaid.”]

 

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