As long as one knows that expectations are merely expectations, there is actually no disappointment when an expectation is violated. There is just the recognition that the expectation did not fit reality. Or, even if there is disappointment, it is momentary and of no lasting importance.
What is actually the bigger issue is presumptions that we do not recognize as presumptuous. If we presume that something WILL BE or that it ALREADY IS, that is not the same as expecting it and watching for it to eventually develop (probably). Presumptions lead not only to disappointment, but to terror that if one unrecognized presumption is wrong, we may have others.
So, the presumptions lead to confusion, shame (about the confusion), panic (about the shame), and frustration (about the results that come from the behavior of panicking). Unmet expectations do not lead to confusion and so on. Expectations do not lead to suffering.
In fact, disappointment is not even a form of suffering. Disappointment is just the relaxing of a prior hope: “aha, oh well, no!”
However, with presumptions, especially programmed presumptions, we can “take a position against reality.” We can be so terrified of social punishments that we display loyalty to programmed ideals of “what should be” and “what should not be”… such that we speak of presumptions as if they are actually expectations.
We may participate in public school linguistic rituals of “confusing words with objective reality.” We are trained to complain if expectations are not met. “I expected my wife to cook me EGGS, so now based on that so-called expectation, I will throw a tantrum.”
The cooking of eggs was never an actual expectation. It was purely a set-up to justify a display of rage.
The confusion was not a result of whatever the wife cooked instead. The confusion was pre-existing (and was programmed through the curriculum of “ritual abuse” at the public school).