Some people say that the problems started with hope. That is not quite right, though.
Some hopes get fulfilled and that is no problem at all. But when hopes start to get ignored, that can be tough. If we directly state our hopes (or otherwise display them), people can resist us or condemn us.
That is where the problems really start. It is not the hopes themselves. It is not stating the hopes (because of caution that stating them could be counter-productive). In other words, the problem is those pesky other people and how they respond to the stated hopes.
Why? Some of them may have conflicting hopes and the conflict between hopes is where the conflict begins.
Hopes (desires) which were not stated may seem to become expectations. However, more than really being expectations, they were really just hopes that I made in to excuses for withdrawal (by relating to them as if they were expectations that were not met). I made the unfulfilled hopes in to excuses for resentment.
But I never really expected those “expectations.” What is more precise is that I quietly hoped and then, when I recognized that my unstated hopes were not getting met, I withdrew in fear and shame. After all, why take the risk of stating my hopes when I could just pretend that they were expectations and then use them as excuses to resent and withdraw?
The narrative model of “victimhood” is a very popular model. I was victimized by so many people who betrayed me by failing to inquire (or to properly drag out of me) my hopes and interests. Not only did they fail by lacking sufficient enthusiasm and skill to drag my hopes out of me, but then in addition to their cruel lack of psychic ability to magically know my hopes without having to rudely ask me about them (which is very impolite and so of course I would have resisted out of loyalty to social etiquette), they not only failed to know my hopes, but failed to meet them.
In other words, they betrayed me. Note that this happened not just once and not just twice, but as many as six times. Further, keep in mind that not only did one person fail to meet my unstated needs as many as six times, but as many as four people in my life have ruined everything by their utter lack of psychic ability, willingness, resourcefulness, and overall failure to be my personal savior.
Now, I do not mean to be ungrateful. Of course I am grateful for various contributions and benefits that others have made to me.
But how can we compare such small things to the overall betrayal of my need for a personal savior? Aren’t these people wearing magic bracelets to remind them to ask “what would Jesus do?”
What Jesus would do is to be my personal savior, right? All of these other traitors have ruined my life by victimizing me with a lack of focus on my self-interests.
They are not seriously expecting me to be attentive to my own self-interests, are they? What do they think I am… some kind of adult?
Further, I did not want to bring this other detail up because it makes me furious to even mention, but some people have gone so far as to relate to me as if I have somehow betrayed them by not being psychic, devoted, and effective as their personal savior. Who the heck do these people think they are? It is like they are a bunch of hypocrites because the same thing that I wish they would do for me, they seem to wish I would do for them.
I do not mean you of course, but those other humans on this planet are victimizing me twofold: first, by failing utterly to be my personal savior and second by having the audacity to accuse me of failing them as their personal savior. I do not have to tell you that my life was perfect until all of them made it in to hell. However, even though I do not have to tell you that, I will tell you that over and over and over.
Anyway, I was about to ask them a casual question when I realized “this person is probably not going to be my personal savior either, so why bother even talking to them?” Naturally, I just turned away from them and walked off.
Then I came to type this very important message to you. What you will want to know is that I was programmed to assert that people should respect one another, so that is why I compulsively insist that I respect others, while also expecting others to always respect me (and then withdrawing in pre-emptive resentment if I fear that in the future they might not respect me in the particular way that I imagine that a personal savior should do). In particular, I respect that other people are not as respectful as they should be. I respect that they are not as psychic as they should be. I respect that my hopes and expectations about them may not be a perfect match with the actual behaviors that they manifest at any particular time.
Why do I want you to know these things about me? Because I want you to admire me and adore me and give me standing ovations like when I was a toddler and I walked all the way from the couch to the table.
I am hilarious and so you should give me approval and encouragement. In other words, give me money.
I am not talking about a little birthday check either. I am talking about something along the lines of a wedding reception party. As for the live music, you should know that I like The Eagles, but I love The Beatles.
Don’t give me some nonsense about how some of them are dead either. Julian Lennon sounds a lot like his dad, right?
We can work it out, by which I mean you. I know you have a lot to do, so now I will stop delaying you from planning my big party. Also, if you can just go ahead and line up The Eagles as the opening act for The Beatles, that would be really, really great.