Freedom in regard to past guilt

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Hi, this is JR this is a

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spontaneous comment on free from guilt
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so to talk about free from guilt
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arm of course that presumes that I’m
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interest in freedom in particular
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freedom from guilt and I assumed everyone is clear
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on what I mean by freedom aren’t
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I think that specifying exactly what I mean like guilt
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is actually really import
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to having freedom from get religious understanding
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were killed is ken make a big difference
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so regret
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is not guilt disappointment is not
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but they are related to go so
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guilt of course has to do with past
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in some particular way some incident are
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or maybe are the
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I’ll
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expectation that I that I would have done something that I
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inge do I get guilt about not
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doing something on I have guilt about
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do accept it I can also project guilt
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or I can guilt trip
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people arm
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I can blame a group of people up
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an individual person and
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if I were to say
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green from blame you might think we’ll freedom from plants that
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that i won it’s not really
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aren’t free from blame are there still
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a I
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element I’ll they’re still potential function to blame
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and in fact it could be a there certainly is a
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functionality to guilt on
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I
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getting pretty pretty far ahead anyway
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so let’s less star what kills is how it works
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rock about how to be functional are
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when it could be appropriate are and
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saw was guilt
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guilt is a particular way
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relating to some detail what
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is the guilty
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way relates not that
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how everything’s wet that
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that particular way things went. is not
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what I prefer
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that’s very important does not
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what I would for for or this point this time right now
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I would prefer that something else that happened
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trip
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and up
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it’s no one’s fault ship
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and it’s my fault head
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so those those
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elements together crew are what we call guilt
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so individually they’re not necessarily guilt
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I would prefer that things went different from how did it go
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that could be a preference
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are it doesn’t even need to be a at this point in our great
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armed just funny regret tend to have
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some el nino I could have done better
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or I you know I could learn from
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I’m really was sis you know
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startled at at how a
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hound important that issue was to me
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that’s how this plan arises when somebody surprise
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buy something mean important now if
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you are reno’s important and
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it didn’t work out as you expected I don’t know that you’d actually
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experience
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this point I’ll you
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you know rupiah differ taller different quality you just
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I’m just be like up
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I’m Ste unsatisfied time motivated to try something new
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on but there’s
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there’s a you know very clean
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condoms I’ll I have a preference for something else
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that can be heard very clean very coherent
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very on sup
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I wish the password and different I can’t really
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I’ll have the sense that I can really do anything about
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I’m powerless hopeless in general and the reason I’m helpless
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is because it those other people are
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thats on one
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con way people could relate to
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the situation not saying it’s
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inaccurate on you know tip
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tribute power on
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up to some other party or group debts
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quite reasonable really on
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once I A think
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I should have known better I shouldn’t have trusted them
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you that becomes what are the elements are when I am
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blaming someone else or some other crew and then I think
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I should have known better that’s
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when I turned that that resentment or or
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lame back toward myself and help guilt about they betrayed me
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and I was dude on
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and I should have been stupid and I should have been smarter and when I was
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or national Penn you know older
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it I should have been more mature were spirits more knowledgeable
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are so you the in you can get into some
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preteen on Sat
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circle delusional up
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ideas or ideals up
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freedom from guilt corresponds to be in three
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to just have disappointment be despondent as well as frustration
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are regret
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I can just how a
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welcoming for those experiences in for me to be able
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to welcome those experiences I what happened it will the
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up
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valuable to have a general stability and security
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so I general stability security on
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and calmness and I can
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noticed this plan is a spy most regret as greta I’ll
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I did something good
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that I didn’t like the outcome or I didn’t do something I really liked
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I imagine that could have better outcomes that could be regrets
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disappointment could be I like what the other person did
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I don’t like the other group did it doesn’t necessarily have to involve my
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own
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action or inaction regret has a personal
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aspect disappointment can be more I’m just processing
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oatmeal despite my their team lost I thought they were in when
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that’s money on the game this point do I regret prima
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get yes I do day you know in some small way
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maybe pretty small but are up
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there’s disappointment in in regard to some
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outcome that didn’t really you know
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involve me as directly as for Brett so that’s what are the differences
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up between regret and this point
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aren’t but to have
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this I’m disappointed that my team lost and two referees in the game
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really really room the me my team perform quite well
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but the robberies our powers the recruiter or
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almighty couldn’t have overcome the disadvantages
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the idiot Russ so unrelated something
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like that are down
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and guilt tripping the rest hinge she at some point
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if I’m projecting guilt or projecting
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are thus
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blame certain way I got results I don’t like
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and I’m blaming you know other people
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there are even a row did no I’m not talking to them are not making request
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they were viewed call it do it
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you know achieve the replay well
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boo review a scoring
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let’s play on no
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but are if I’m just glad
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daily man you know throng
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up my dissatisfaction
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and kind speaking from I don’t have any power and helpless
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is the official I can’t do anything %uh resignation
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cynicism the officials they’re horrible
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I’m and just by that point
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arkin can I’ll cross a boundary
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well logic yep
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into the round just boxer I don’t like the resulting I would prefer some other
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is all
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and those people are playing not me them some justifying it
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against on background maybe
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yeah I and play now but I should have known better
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the rest you know decal I have had this complaint now
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14 times it will have to play once
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that’s up you know betting on games cuz my
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and you know i cant alarm on the official said
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should call the game fair or whatever so that it is
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I could stop said aircraft that another
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have any resentment about the bad calls by the officials
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or the inaction by those other people or resistance by that one person whatever
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I’ll you know they’re your lack response miss aren’t
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cell hope
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rather than just by why other people or
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problem and then keep
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doing the same I can just
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no the disc 1 just be I just express regret
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and change my min
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if I have a certain moment look behavior have I might
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adjusted much lower down change it are
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and some solloway arm
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up
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but if I done something that was disappointing
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14 times and 14 times
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he making the same complaint at some point it could build up until
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to guilt where I’m like yeah this is stupid
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can’t leave he doing this I know those
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officials are unreliable and keep
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you know betting on games officials keep you know
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being biased or or whatever
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and a its IT
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is just not my scene that she it’s not me betting on my team is it.
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its shoals so on speaking away like that
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up there could be a build-up
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guilt and I action then how this
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resent a year towards the horrible officials to root my life and
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when I really get to know at some point is that on
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guild has a little anger its I’m guilt tripping somebody else’s helmet and your
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and by turning your back in towards must sell
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not expressing either displayed to
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I’ll at least to the relevant part maybe I’m
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you know are on I’m not
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if I’m sayin angry what the officials did I’m gonna contact
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the week and I’m gonna ask for a review
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you know dis planners officials or review their
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you know arm the quality of their officiating
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so there’s things I could do without anger that actually
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could make a difference in the future the family doing nothing
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to Island
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promote my preferences such as
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that a game will be called fairy
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Caldwell but missiles are
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I’m doing nothing to promote my preferences then I
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then the guilt that I internalize can just build-up injure
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to anger angry at every and I’m not
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expressing anger directly there could be a
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lot past the crash in on
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I had an outburst not feel horrible her I
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did in perfect then not displaying anger
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because I should never slander as per person every day per person or be
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rate per person would never experience at issue just minor
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get or shame you know up
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confusion were per person
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ever experienced confusion
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well per person me
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people
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experience confusion actual people hurt
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per cannot actual people experience confusion anger
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disappointment fear you know caution
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alertness worry I’ll panic
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paranoia this whole range if they insist area aren’t concerned about
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this medical issue with this economic issues political issues
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personal issue people experience word they experienced parallel
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arm to steer these are
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the XOR normal things im Sommer
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me so
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13 to experience anger in
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brew to experience disappoint up
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then guilt might narrow and
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so if I experience being like an blocked in regard to
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are experiencing Curtis planning expressing
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well then yiddish the
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up
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actually comes to mind to share is
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to find it
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small simple easy experiments
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in this play %uh an or slavish
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speaking at this point I’m disappointed that
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rei protease blah blah result
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it’s not a statement that
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implies blame within there can be at home
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that I’m disappointed that leader not
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and its satellite white but are
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I someone consistently express this point
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on up you know I would prefer
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that in the future blah blah blah
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I’m disappointed that in the past
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lot and in the future outlook for all law or committed to block well
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and I’m interested in how
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weeee can produce or how I
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can preset arm so those smiles language
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I’ll that
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we are free to experiment with to explore
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practice up
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stars anger if I
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think well I didn’t like how things what
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really prefer I’ll some other outcome
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and i actually I’m angry about
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a specific incident on
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just as a side note if someone’s angry
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about I’ll a group of people being
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jerks that’s not very specific
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up sometimes by saying now
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on really you know angry you people are
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are being such jerks stop that could work
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as possible can work at least
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temporarily it house some our result the
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is considered fair what’s aren’t more specific would be
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I’m angry that you said
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that are needed the law and you and you didn’t know
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funny that you work in her do when you’re actually sad
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are for us to
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make future plans I
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I’m I wanna hear from you about what we’re not as I was really angry at this
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point and
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and angry at you firstly for how things less so
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I’ll missing an important piece in The you know
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history here in there so a reason I don’t know
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while why it happened now I so be it otherwise
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I’m there’s a there’s a confidence issue for me
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in terms of not being confident in
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and some other person or some group people sheesh so i cant bless them I
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anger and you know at this point are in
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do so in a way that’s future-oriented like I’m just wanna know
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should I you know
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a withdrawal a little or completely
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from a particular
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conversation a particular relationship to your plans
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just cancel those plans up
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postpone say it for the for the immediate future
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reach we’re gonna just you know put-down Holt
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nothing not gonna can only thing to you get you the you get your
19:41
its your situation handle and new
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get at me rocking back in two weeks or two years or whatever
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ans I’ll doesn’t have to be
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and ongoing displacement resent
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it just be anger the expressing their anger
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on display in angry about that particular thing
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and anger is I wanna up
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interrupt look past momentum an hour put a
20:15
wall for a boundary so that
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there’s focus so there’s concentration
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so the things that are important to me are
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arm recognized by
20:29
the other people involved here by 10 first ball aren’t
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up so
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is it okay to experience
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anger well it happens times the
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I idea this really fascinating and your
20:48
it the idea that someone should never experienced anger
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is quite hot so
20:56
I parents in related to my children are for instance
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as people who should never experience
21:04
seeger or anger or display I’m how does that work
21:09
and parenting a to your 20 should never experienced Angus planner
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your or confusion how about parenting
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twelve-year-old first twelve-year-old should not
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experience
21:26
shearer confusion
21:28
disappointment or anger how if I’m a charitable
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20 one euro
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21 so the 21-year-old should
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experienced what
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should they ever experience fear
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anger a just plain regret guilt
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up huge
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up
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if they do you experience those things is it my preference
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day communicate to me or or
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be willing to communicate them to me is
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it dropped up
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so I’m sry from guilt
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hitting I mean it free from late it gets
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good could come the future and why
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opened other people experiencing guilt
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and displaying share mile
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other people experiencing anger Blaney or are
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combination and or sphere
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like up
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intense fear and dislike somehow
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what people display their motions
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indirect but there’s well you know has a chance or oppression
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or a conflict emotions going on for someone
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and day are passive aggressive toward
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how do I late
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I could no it isn’t
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could be tend to to that possibility notice it
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and then depending on my relationships with my interest in a
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I a either
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interact with them or withdraw over
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you know on iraq there’s some people that I initiate
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in right
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actions I inquire how are you doing call
23:39
past how are you what’s new and saw
23:43
I’ll but I don’t do that with all seven billion or so people on the plane
23:48
I noticed that this idea that
23:52
everyone should unconditional love and initially
23:56
love everyone else all the time is
24:00
a source tremendous shame and deals
24:03
and people will free
24:07
on in some cases I’m set free
24:10
are people will project this idea
24:14
other people I’m I condemn them
24:18
because day should unconditional love the arts
24:22
and they should never killed anyone so I could that down because there are you
24:25
dish in a don’t unconditional love everyone all the time all its
24:30
without any such they weren’t born
24:33
a with maturity ever in adult
24:37
she as a child they still have things to learn
24:41
as a teenager is still at the slur adult
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Wow they still had insular as an adult
24:49
really how adult still haven’t learned things
24:53
don’t know everything already but 21
24:57
by 53 so
25:02
3 a.m. is really
25:07
what and talking about but been talking about three in regard to motions
25:11
and we’ve been talking about how languages
25:15
let to options and particular notion that a are brought up
25:19
initially is guilt guilt being
25:23
something that has happened concerned about might be concerned for a future
25:27
punishment
25:28
and out maybe watch you
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justify who
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else is to blame floor
25:41
some past a result
25:44
or past occurrence if I just like you
25:47
else is that lantern action up
25:51
on somebody might thinkers
25:54
Tashi down instead
25:57
or or not function whether they parcel my somebody else’s March
26:01
not the idea is by projecting a
26:05
guilty projecting condemnation I can
26:09
Floyd a yep
26:13
anticipated harsher possible inch a anticipate possible
26:17
passion cell frayed
26:20
about passion don’t want people to be angry
26:26
I’m disappointed armed conflict I I
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you know I guilt is actually a normal experience so
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freedoms from guilt on
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real
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in a way it means I’m free to have had guilt
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in the past not really make big issue
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guilt to rise in the future
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a in the present moment
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on we couldn’t say you know
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I welcome all emotions welcome guilt
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are welcome all experiences that Sri thats power it takes a
27:04
and in el nino stability in our may take
27:08
are sheesh some time to
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shall the luxury
27:15
to invite what might be complex are intense emotions some
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fear its you look at all
27:24
intense fear some disappointment home
27:28
some anger even rage sure
27:31
are so this is about free
27:41
up
27:45
me it
27:48
because humans
27:52
can experience keep the gym and
27:55
up 18 rims
27:58
because they did make mistakes in the sense of having
28:02
one intention and then taking actions that don’t sit at
28:07
produce results the dots that their intention so humans can have attention
28:12
take action sincerely produce results that don’t fit
28:17
their original intention and then
28:21
there’s writings the cap next to be disappointed
28:24
there can be blame yeah just cation
28:27
up
28:33
space to be human that means the freedom
28:37
to recognize my own humanity also
28:41
correlates to you the freedom to recognize
28:45
other people shoot their human nature
28:49
their human I’ll frailties
28:53
other home they’re learning process their development process
28:58
we go through confusion there is no point
29:04
and which I should never have confusion
29:07
the issue with conditioners
29:10
small confusions somewhat infrequently spaced out in time
29:17
so I can handle each one other individual not confused about this
29:20
that’s what you know it’s important to me 9
29:23
likelier why where r issue once
29:27
and if I go through sequencer relatively small confusions that’s called learning
29:33
that’s how learning happens that’s how you know
29:36
inundation happens she are as distinct from
29:41
learn more songs teaching me something I’m just kinda
29:44
following along with construction on learning something through
29:48
experimentation
29:49
are
29:51
occasionally I’m going to to notice a pattern
29:55
on some a there another some variation from
30:00
our and I think the world
30:03
should always fit with my expectation to it and when there’s a difference between
30:07
accusation the world
30:09
has problem with the world someone to lead I still got the iron on stuff like
30:14
sweet things
30:14
that ass distant from
30:18
I have an expectation about life for the world
30:21
then does the light doesn’t up so I changed my expectation no expectation
30:28
was
30:28
you not upset for reality
30:32
how ID form1 expectation it developed
30:36
okay maybe people influence me to have their
30:39
patient maybe not whatever once I
30:42
realize that that expectation is not match
30:46
then I release
30:49
it as an expectation or ira clients so
30:52
guilt has to deal with I wanna admit I was naive
30:56
I don’t mind me I made it air I know I’m needed here
31:01
I know I was naive but Ryan
31:04
afraid of the consequences just acknowledging
31:07
I’m human I made a mistake
31:10
s guilt I don’t want to acknowledge
31:14
regret and my own involved
31:18
great thats guilt
31:22
there’s resistance to simple disappointment are great
31:26
resistance year rather than just being framed punishment and making it
31:33
in taking action relationship guilt is
31:36
like a I’ll paralyzing
31:41
fear much were making up paralyzed
31:45
you such intense fear punishment that someone
31:49
has you know
31:52
lol Kanak well increase do get confused they do
31:57
you something a little
32:00
up of may be a distraction
32:05
not on some company somewhere cold
32:09
coping coping mechanisms like a a Brita
32:12
so this idea that there’s
32:15
an expectation apostle parchment
32:20
in fear why not
32:23
why should someone occasionally
32:27
expect punishment ornate cost classes
32:31
on people cast list and then fear them
32:34
and then maybe do something like on I’ll
32:39
be cautious
32:45
about what they say how they say who they say it himself
32:50
nap kinder guilt is
32:53
adapted that’s normal
32:57
that’s pretty pretty normal really on
33:00
then is nice is it accurate
33:03
understandable and it can be adaptive
33:06
are and then there’s the issue if I have fear
33:11
who can I actually display
33:15
or trust that your koosh is interested in me
33:20
an hour and mature enough able to
33:23
just the get just understand
33:27
on in cases where the
33:31
there’s a expectation for possible future apartment it’s very
33:34
intense fear the might have
33:38
in regard to the possible punishment then all sources really complex things
33:43
can
33:44
can happen page
33:50
well hey
33:52
I feel so so bad because
33:56
you should happy here season
34:00
over needed and I just
34:03
I apologize it’s horrible that anyone would ever have to hear she’s in what
34:07
must be
34:08
so hard re so
34:11
guilt
34:14
is when I’m responsible for other peoples despite
34:19
other people should be displayed I’m responsible for it
34:22
and they’re gonna you know there’s going to be naked there could be negative
34:25
consequences for me socially
34:27
are that other people responded so I’m
34:30
I’m just %uh I’m so sorry maybe I what
34:33
you know I’ll divert people
34:38
from what happened maybe a lot to sell other people as the ones to blame
34:43
for the are arkansas
34:46
so is it adapted to
34:49
be tend to do the possibility social hush
34:53
its yes is it um
34:56
home it’s also
35:00
relevant to be here where possibly social words
35:03
including the increase decreased for me
35:07
certain level or or up
35:14
so I want you can’t possible futures and the
35:19
up
35:22
I also want to be tempted consequence disappoint people
35:26
in when I’m I’ll
35:29
if I’m scared at this point
35:35
on that means there are important
35:40
to me in in or obscene therefore
35:43
me sheesh I’m scared this morning saw I’m scared
35:47
punishment from scary but discontinuing rewards
35:52
guilt goes with all those X
35:55
arm
36:03
work and goes all those things
36:05
is
36:15
idea that it’s my fault
36:19
is actually
36:22
optional so I can be scared punishment me concerned
36:25
cautious alert possible future I’ll
36:29
negative consequences and I can
36:35
speak is my fault
36:39
why do people ever do that why is that
36:43
caption develop is the dashing to say it’s my fault
36:47
well it can actually be beneficial
36:50
the reason people practice guilt is
36:54
acid action it’s too promote their
36:57
outcomes is to come you know about their favorite albums promote their
37:01
preferences
37:02
arm so if I say
37:05
I A that was my fault I’m sorry
37:09
arm I’m do
37:12
the one to blame that I’ll
37:16
that is a
37:19
is a is a communication
37:22
that could be reward could be encouraged people may
37:26
on promote
37:30
accepting responsibility
37:35
I’ll on
37:40
you in
37:44
there’s just something I’m certain
37:47
or on up
37:53
unreliable arm its if I know that someone else has an expectation
37:59
and I say them your expectation
38:04
in relation to me is too hot up
38:09
de ses and interesting possibly
38:14
are if I feel that sounds expectation is too low
38:18
I’m tongues but that’s not
38:21
that surprising in a way that I would watch it snow
38:25
tell them I think they’re undressing that if
38:28
if someone’s overestimate me when reichheld
38:33
while tell up
38:39
one thing is to just avoid complications
38:43
keep things simple are and in actually promotes
38:51
a a a long-term healthy relationship for me and tell someone
38:55
I think their expectations are too high said I want you to
38:59
not give me a smaller responsibility for now
39:03
in the long run a I mean
39:06
you know reach the level you think you seem to think mr Abbott
39:10
well maybe I’ll lesser
39:14
responsibility for now the more appropriate so
39:18
palm if
39:22
I think that I should be better than I am
39:27
I should’ve then better than I am thats
39:30
corresponds to deal chip I’m sure
39:34
done better night it why should I have done that
39:37
and degraded and then a house on
39:41
idealist maybe somebody else an expectation but there’s a difference
39:45
between their expectation in my actual
39:49
up
39:53
re Alan and I’m to blame for the difference between
39:59
their predation my account will I want their ongoing
40:03
she om in
40:08
attention and interest and maybe shade to them
40:11
your expectation
40:14
is is great your expectation help me
40:18
I’m below it I’m guilty for not being up to hear a petition but I’m still
40:24
gonna maintain your expectations might target
40:27
model and on from there outside
40:31
I say to them I’m guilty years
40:35
not fitting your your expectations are so it could be adapted
40:41
to express guilt or to express
40:45
an acknowledgement I’ll difference between
40:49
maybe some high-level
40:52
results on Highland High Mar performance and the actual performance or
40:56
actual really my recent history
41:00
first are it
41:03
I have internal expectations and I’m pretending
41:09
to fit Google making it complex
41:12
it it if line
41:15
I’ll up
41:20
fun perhaps some ideals about was perfect
41:24
I’m pretending that I think those ideals so as to promote
41:29
receiving social rewards are encouraged someone
41:32
I’ll and then I’m
41:35
no actually dulcet those you know there’s a couple things at least me
41:41
349 whatever there’s cutlets
41:44
as the top perfectly matched with the ideals where the expectations
41:48
are then delta rocket’s
41:52
and Gil means I’m hiding behind some pretense
41:58
are I’ll my
42:03
actual Copts so
42:06
installer saying well here’s exactly how common it
42:10
I’m pretending I in gilt that’s when someone is pretending
42:15
I’ll to
42:20
well to be more happened there is someone pretending to be more commonly
42:25
are
42:26
and they know that they’re not trotman there
42:29
there too experiences they feel guilty for not being that hot
42:34
so they’re they’re trying to compensate they’re trying to say
42:38
their way through it up
42:41
they they’re trying to like
42:44
me they’re trying to close the gap between their actual
42:49
on compton’s and wherever the expectation for par
42:53
the list on make their guilt is like this internal experience knowing that
42:59
others general means I expectation where a maybe they pretend
43:03
there there are there but the guilt
43:06
can be that
43:10
focal are
43:13
shit I experienced guilt which is a shit
43:16
focus toward some some
43:19
target a recitation she not saying I’m not there
43:23
I’m gonna get there some guilt can actually be useful as
43:26
is as that that motivating back she com
43:30
I want to go from here to their I know where there is
43:35
I know where here is I wanna go you’re there guilt
43:38
is that that status contest are
43:42
it’s not the same as just plain or regret
43:45
there’s a there’s a motivation
43:48
no determination I want you make some change sir bill
43:52
are you know talk about a lot of different ways but this last
43:56
draining guilt don’t as a motivating factor
44:01
%uh I feel guilty about are a certain
44:05
a possibly and not
44:09
having for Philly yet I’ll I feel guilty
44:13
tops the latest player but guilt also
44:18
could correspond to such I could do that
44:21
I in the future I get there I would be guilty for something that I
44:25
feels completely outreach for me if I like hell
44:29
I’m I think I could UK to get there I’m not there yet
44:34
I’d like to be and I think together well
44:37
girl okay so wat
44:41
also Gill South free POS freed from guilty sure you walk through the front
44:46
door
44:47
anyone offering to help not totally new experience
44:50
guiltless as a when house on target
44:54
you know you’re not up for it and you think that you can get there
44:57
guilt okay guilt that’s the that
45:01
tension I’ll arm you know
45:04
their support something this important to me it is not yet so
45:08
and perception other some
45:12
some well-known hope there’s a way me these men are not
45:16
maybe there’s a way for me to
45:19
go from here to
45:23
there the
45:27
target that’s attracting up
45:38
I will soon
45:39
that I’ll some the jury is rootless
45:43
on little different from how you cover thought about
45:46
some these she’s feel free to comment
45:49
or share or communique I’ll you may
45:54
also be aware that up
46:02
I have made myself available for iraqi one-on-one with people
46:06
you are interested in developing
46:10
their self-awareness
46:15
and improving
46:20
their who results people who
46:24
want to identify targets
46:27
to organize their actions
46:32
or people who Rd how
46:36
that but track charts for organizing
46:39
actions and they were like
46:42
assistance in organizing their actions to you produced
46:46
the film starts sheesh
46:50
thanks for listening
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