Noah and Moses conceive a holy empire

A long time ago, there was a group of people who sat together in a room listening to the screams of a woman. She was feeling intense pain as the middle of her body was being stretched in ways that she had never experienced. Soon, a baby would be expelled from her body.

But the people were not really there because of the woman and her baby. They were planning a new partnership. They called it “the empire.”

They would plan to form an small army and then threaten the other people of the nearby area and demand tribute be paid to them (as in taxes, protection money, or mandatory “health insurance” premiums). One man, named Noah, said “these other people must obey us or else their disobedience could result in the immediate destruction of the entire planet!”


While some wondered if that apocalyptic claim would be questioned skeptically or even considered ridiculous by a few people, Noah assured those assembled that as long as most of the people were shocked, terrified, panicking, and confused, they would quickly accept any explanation that was repeated with enough consistency. If a few of them questioned the popular ideas, those few would be avoided by the masses or even targeted as blasphemers or as possessed by a frightening demon called “insanity.” Not everyone believed Noah’s reassurances, but a few said “I suppose that he could be right, given how naive most humans are….”

So, the people considered what was being said and on occasion a new person made another comment. Through these conversations, some clear plans formed, including for the army itself.

Of course it was dangerous for just one or two people to go around and rob other people. Eventually, someone would resist. Injuries could be sustained by the assailants. The sequence of the robberies could be delayed for one of the participants to recover from injuries.

Further, there could be complaints from victims and claims for compensation. Some victims might seek revenge or even a return of the confiscated valuables (the “tribute” payments).


So, the group realized that the way that they used language must be carefully measured and regulated. Secrecy would be very important as well.

By their superior methods of communication, they would organize a much safer and reliable way of extracting wealth from the rest of the population. They would form bands and squads and units and divisions. They would wear special costumes to intimidate their targets. They would call themselves “soldiers” and “officers” and “licensed thugs of the exclusive, holy priesthood.”

Of course, they would also make a point to confront their targets only after planning their attacks, acquiring weapons, and training. Further, when they were not out patrolling, they would retreat to a military base with tall walls and look-out towers.

As time went on, a man named Moses said “in order to preserve the interests of our elite community, we must attack all of the neighboring Midianites and totally destroy them, except for their virgin females of course, who can be useful to the advancing of our civilzation.” This marked a new extreme in the conquests of the group. Not only would they extract wealth in regular increments of time from their “supporters,” but they would also invade and conquer other groups and then take all of their livestock and other possessions, killing all of them of any age, except for the virgin women.

The group also recruited new members to be their soldiers. They executed some people and left their corpses hanging in places where many people would see the bodies. Then, they went around door to door with their well-armed troops and recruited participants, threatening to imprison and then kill anyone who lacked enthusiasm and cooperativeness for their operations. They called it a “military draft.”

As time kept on keeping on moving on and on and on, new generations of leaders and soldiers came and went. Technology changed. Civilization shifted. New colonies formed and eventually the Hebrew empire developed some totally new branches, called Christianity and Islam.

One of the leaders of a local group said “It is very important that the masses be distracted, hysterical, and confused about the simplicity of our operation. First, their lack of comprehension will promote their active participation in risky activities as well as activities that have very little benefit to them and immense benefit to us. We will call them our human resources.”

Centuries later, another leader said, “If their own ally kills 60 million of their own people, they will not notice. We will tell them that their enemy killed 6 million civilians within their own country (and why should their question whatever number we repaet to them)?”

Another asked, “we should get them to argue with each other. We should get them to have so much devotion to the propaganda slogans which we publicize to them that, whenever they finally realize that their own governing system is not currently a match for the indoctrinated ideals, they will presume that something changed recently and the current leading figureheads are to blame. Then, they will exhaust themselves in reform campaigns to replace the current system of imperialism with a less imperialistic system of imperialism. They will campaign for honesty and equality and compassion.”

“But how we will deal with the inevitable deaths that could reduce morale and compliance to our system? I will tell you,” said the next prophet. “We will tell them that their dead sons are heroic patriots. We will have ritual parades and funerals referencing immortal souls. Plus, because of their dead son’s conformity to our imperial code of conduct, the fallen soldiers will be rewarded with eternal paradise in heaven, including the comforts of 72 of the Midianite virgins that Moses captured, as well as being re-united with their pet dog that died when they were 9 years old.”

“I admit that I like the idea,” said Saint Nicolaus, “but do you really think that humans are that naive? I know that I was never that naive myself!”

His wife, Mrs. Claus, said “you are right, dear. It probably will not work. However, let’s just try it one time and see how it goes, okay, sweetheart? Also, if you keep it up with the good behavior, I will give you a special present on Christmas morning!”

And the rest is history. I’m not just saying that to be corny, either.

The rest is actually history. History is a narrative created by the ruling class to promote certain values, interpretations, and actions among the herds of human resources.

Obviously, it should not be like that though. You should probably stop all other investments of time and devote yourself completely to saving humanity one by one from the existence of misperception.

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