the 5 bleeping types of herpity derps

1) infantile: no self-awareness / self-image / self-respect

2) toddler: total obsession with other people’s responses to you specifically (AKA simple narcissism)

3) tamed: has learned to say “oh, no I don’t care what others think of me- not me!” (very loudly and very frequently). “Why don’t I care? Well, because caring is so naive and weak and immature and obviously I am way above all that. I don’t care because I am sincerely convinced that I am a good person, an ideal person, a perfect person, a persona who fits precisely with social ideals- all very effortlessly and naturally- but don’t you ever fall short in the passion of your agreement with the idea that I am perfect or else I will unleash on you a tantrum like you have never seen, you bleeping narcissistic person who always bleeping compares people to other people, which is bleeping wrong and not ideal at all and just evil and bleeping shameful. At least I am not like those bleeping drop-outs who are so pretentious that they do not even bleep their own bleeping bleeps! They are ruining everything, right? RIGHT?!?!”

4) angry bleeping bleeps: “Sure, I used to care. I even used to bleeping care so much that I would pretend not to care and constantly tell anyone how, according to me, I totally did not care at all. Now, I really don’t bleeping mind anymore, okay? So, you can just bleeping bleep your bleepity bleep bleep. If you think that I should mind or you want to tell me exactly how I should not mind, you can bleeping go bleep yourself, you piece of bleeping bleep. In closing, if you think that I can be repulsive or negative or narcissistic and however else that I should not be according to you, well then you might be right, you bleeping coward.”

5) relaxed clowns: “Well, I wonder if we could slow down for a second and think about what exactly is going on here. Isn’t that possible? Ok, great! In general, I don’t mind how any particular person responds to me or thinks of me or talks about me. However, that is just in general. In particular, I am actually conserving my attention and concern to direct it toward specific people (in specific ways). I nourish the people I nourish. I amuse the people that I amuse. I confuse the people that I confuse. I tame the people that I tame. I repulse the people that I repulse, you bleeping derpy herpity derp derp durr hurr durr.”


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