Choose: resentment or freedom?

You know the people that we do not even know personally, but that we say we resent? Well, they may not really be the people that we resent.

What happens is that we experience resentment relating to actual interactions in our lives and then we might find some uninvolved people that we feel safe to identify as the target of our resentment. Maybe we post comments on facebook about the people that we are willing to say that we resent (and maybe we lose a few facebook friends over it, so then we may resent them for not being more agreeable to our prejudices).

Also, what if we have never resented anyone for what they actually did? What if we have only ever resented anyone for not doing something that we expected for them to do?

They betrayed us, right, by exposing our expectations and presumptions as merely being expectations and presumptions. They ruined everything, right?

Maybe they did. Maybe they ruined “everything” in terms of exposing immaturity and insecurity and pretense and arrogance. However, “ruining everything” may be one of the best things that could ever happen to someone.

When someone does not do something for me that I am afraid to do for myself, what is that called? That is called (by many people) “a natural justification for resenting them.”

Admit the fear. Welcome courage.

We could withdraw the displaced resentments toward people we do not even know (like some CEOs or some politicians or some random troll on facebook that really pisses off us). We could admit the resentments that we have harbored against people much closer to us. We have held grudges. We have intentionally repulsed people and have also made excuses for withdrawing.

What if it was okay for me to just openly withdraw? What if I could withdraw without resenting anyone- people I know or people I do not know?

What if I gave other people permission to resent me? What if I stopped holding a grudge against them as a punishment for them holding a grudge against me that one time in 2003 or 1986?

When we go around shouting out our list of resentments (like on facebook), there may be a lot of people who click like. Contempt can be very popular. It can even be a justification for getting up in the morning and who am I say to that it is not as good a justification as any other?

Contempt and resentment may be wildly popular. But that does not make them fun, does it?

If you are interested in having fun, contempt and resentment are practices that can distract from having fun. If you are interested in freedom, then you would be interested in having fun.

Are you? Are you really?

Exactly how interested in freedom are you? Or, do you flee from it in terror in to the familiar arms of resentment?

wrote:

I choose resentment over so called delusional freedom anyday. Why? Because who wants to ignore the obvious truth that all of American luxury or “benefits” is had because of bloodshed and violence? You and yours alike it seems…maybe I am just envious that I can’t be as cold and heartless as CEO’s and the elite. That if at a young age I could just ignore WHY I was surrounded by so much wealth I could have APPLIED my compulsive delusional liar self and been one of the heartless. Give me liberty or give me resentment and I will choose the latter thank you very much.

JR replied:

Why are you so concerned about blood or violence? Do you know that you were trained to abstain from violence (through threats of violence) and then you were trained to have contempt for all “improper / unauthorized” acts of violence.

My comments on resentment are not “be ashamed that you have ever done it and stop doing it.” My comments include “notice the possibillity of displacing resentments that originate with personal interactions and projecting those resentments on distant, vague villains” (like bloodthirsty CEOs and of course the vile and coercive Pirates from Pittsburgh- which is the name of a baseball team that Daniel likes). Further, notice that disappointments that are systemic in origin are often BLAMED on people that we actually interact with.

So, the creation of expectations is systematic, and thus the disappointment is systematic (notice that most everyone has a very similar set of disappointments). Then, we interact with people who we find disappointing because we have delusional expectations from instutitions. Also, they are disappointed by us because they have basically the same delusional expecations from institutions.

The resentment is personal. I resent those who are “arrogant” enough to violate my delusional expectations, including my expectations that they be relaxed and mature (unlike me) when I violate any of their delusional expectations. WTF?!?!?!

So, the resentment is personal, but I project it at relatively distant groups (like at the Federal Reserve or the KGB or the jocks in high school, etc). Realistically, the jealousy / resentment / etc runs in a spectrum, but I raise the issue of people displacing their resentment far away from the true “sore spot.”

That is a coping mechanism. It is so effective that some people use a sequence of different targets of resentment for decades and decades.

After I have the courage to bring the focus of my resentment back to having a delusional expectation that someone violated (and then resenting them for it), next I can admit my terrified condemnation of their non-compiance with my sacred expectation(s). I can repent. I can withdraw my condemnation of their non-action or action. I might even apologize.

“My mother should not have spanked me because that is violent. So, I will now hate her forever because obviously she does not really love me and bla bla bla….”

Now, I notice that I had a mother (actually, two). Yes, I got spanked a few times. So the fuck what?

“The cop who arrested me scratched my wrist and broke one of my fingernails and totally messed up my hairstyle!” Wow, yeah, that is probably the first time that something like that has ever happened to anyone, right?

  • Daniel Fritschler Yeah I hear you. So after a few more decades I may find the courage to repent? Can’t wait
  • Daniel Fritschler I certainly wouldn’t want to let go of programmed resentment now and be at peace…not when there could be some more years of frustration and anger right?
    1 hr · Unlike · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Recall that my definition of “repenting” is simply to acknowledge the experience of fear (past or present). It happens in an instant, not through a 49 second ritual.
    2 mins · Edited · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn (The only relevant ritual would be relaxing with a curiosity in the direction of recognizing what is the origin of the fear, but that is not actually important generally.)
    1 min · Edited · Like · 1
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn Even if no institutions gave me expectations, I would have formed tons of them by myself. Whenever I have been scared that my expectations may be violated (false), there is an opportunity to repent.

    If you get that resentment is an actual behavior that takes energy and concentration and persistence (and language), then you can just notice it come and go. Let it be.

    Chasing peace is a common form of agonizing. Peace just comes and goes. Agonizing just comes and goes. Anger just comes and goes. Frustration just comes and goes. Courage just comes and goes.

    2 mins · Like · 1
  • Daniel Fritschler Damn which way did [they go] anyway? That is a lot of coming and going. So you mean things come and things go and we are just supposed to allow the coming and going to occur? What about the force man? Or the blue and red pills?
  • J R Fibonacci Hunn There is no issue of allowing things to come and go. They just do. So do we- we just show up and then eventually we are just gone… but not within our own experience.

    In one’s own experience, the self is immortal and eternal. The self is the trunk of the tree from which all over sensations and experiences arise.

    • Daniel Fritschler I resent myself is the truth I think it is called self loathing and a blast…. What better thing to do on a drunken island with only delusion all around you haha
    • Daniel Fritschler Wow that was really good…..so simple how you explain that…..I like it
    • J R Fibonacci Hunn It is not a new message, but I may not have been saying it so concisely much. So what?!?!
      7 mins · Like · 1
    • Daniel Fritschler Well I am just admiring your “I can typing!!!” As to dummy it down enough for even a dummy could understand. Not that there is one here… only geniuses in the room of course
    • J R Fibonacci Hunn If you loath an idea of yourself for a while, that is a common practice amongst folks who have been duped by the mainstream culture and are embarrassed at the extent to which they have been duped. You can loath that idea and then loath it some more and eventually all of that attention and loathing may be like the shedding of a snake’s skin.

      As you get familiar with the idea of yourself that you were programmed to have (or otherwise inherited- whatever), then you can go from terror and loathing to respect and amusement and admiration. Self-loathing results in someone becoming secluded or isolated and that isolating serves to give one the opportunity to experience life without social routines to distract us.

      Great work with the self-loathing. You may have it nearly mastered and then you can start teaching it to others who are ripe.

    • J R Fibonacci Hunn Some genius once said “notice the function.”


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