I bravely condemn stupid parrots who do not appreciate how smart I am

I blame my pet parrot for being a stupid, terrified parrot who just repeats sounds mindlessly (just like it has been trained) and shows no real comprehension of my incredible logical skills. Why doesn’t it appreciate me more?!?!?!

Oh, plus my parrot is not even interested in introspective psychology. What does that tell you, right? How insulting is that, right?

My pet parrot does not even seem to know how stupid and terrified it is. It just sits around all day and says things like:

“Holy cow, for the love of Jesus, will you please zip your mouth shut? You are such a stupid parrot who just keeps repeating whatever I say! Shut up! Stop that! Stop it! Right now! Stop! God, talking to you is like having an argument with a mirror!

Be silent! Be still and know! Holy Cow! Do you think you are funny? Are you trying to be amusing? You are an insult to my superior intelligence! You are just a stupid parrot. You are not even a real person. You are… you…. you are only a mother sucking parrot! You are so disappointing?!?!”

This has got to stop. That parrot is clearly starting to get abusive. What do you think I should do about this horrible victimization that I have to endure? Also, one more thing: do you think that this parrot costume makes me look sexy?

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