Guilt & the courage to face the fear of grief

Guilt is a form of fear (a frightened fixation) in which the “chronic” focus of attenton is on an idea of what should be: what should be *instead* of whatever is perceived to be. The personal element of guilt involves a future expectation of disappointment (AKA grief, sadness, regret, etc) based on a sense of being unable to force reality to conform exclusively to the worshiped ideal of “what should be.”

The ultimate surfacing of emotion may correspond to a verbal pattern like “I failed” or “I am a failure.” Guilt is the resisting of past grief, suppressing it, rejecting it, denying it. Why? Because in the past, the repressing of grief may have been functional.

However, when there is a chronic repressing of grief, that is produced through the focusing of attention of some idea of what should be, which is a terrified, idolatrous rejection of God’s creation as it actually is. The one repressing grief presents themselves as “I am how I should be.” They identify an ideal of “how I should be” and fixate on that to distract themselves from grief (then probably condemn grieving as a “negative emotion” because it absolutely terrifies them).

The guilty one rejects themself because “I should not experience grief isnce it is negative.” However, they do experience grief, so they reject themselves and repress the grief and fixate on an ideal. Then, they present a facade that they are “how people should be.” They are not “how people should not be” (or they apologize for and justify those aspects of themselves that they reject). They worship the idea of “being the savior of the world who will take the world from being how it should not be to being how it should be.”

In order to return to the experience of grief, they must construct an immense justification. They may avoid displaying grief to the making the avoidance of grief the central theme of their existence.

Then, when a trigger comes along that is “too much for them to repress”, then entire dam can break. “I regret that thing in the recent past and I blame myself for having been how I should not have been: for experiencing regret, which no one should ever experience!”

Guilt is being terrified of grief. If someone does not want to ever experience in the future the form of learning called grief, then that is called guilt. “I… I… I just can’t take any more of this! Let’s just not talk about it. I mean… I would just totally lose control” [of my repression of the display of grief].

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