How the king of kings rescued my angel from a thunder demon

In the beginning, I could just feel her looking at me. I turned toward her and, yes, there she was, gracefully walking toward me and beaming her attention. She scooped me up  in her gigantic arms. Her body was so warm and soft.

I drink from the holes in her chest. She had two reservoirs of angelic fluid, each about the size of my head. She was an angel, my angel.
 
When I cried, she would come and rescue me. Even without me making a sound, she could feel when I was in distress and she would suddenly appear from out of nowhere and cause light to flood in to the dark room where I had been laying there for all of eternity.
 
 

Whenever I was suddenly attacked from behind by foul-smelling mud, she would clean me. These kinds of attacks happened several times a day, sometimes with the foul-smelling mud and sometimes with a surprising spray of liquid. Once I even was possessed by a demon that crawled up my throat and exploded, spilling out of my mouth. Again, the angel soothed me and cleaned up the wet chunks of the exploded demon.

 
I was scared of the exploding demons. Usually, something like the surprising sprays of liquid were not especially frightening, at least if I was awake at the time. Sometimes I could even intuitively somehow just know that the spray was about to happen. However, if you have ever had a demon explode out of your face, you would know that it can be very intense.
Illyria in her true form, standing before her ...

Illyria in her true form, standing before her demon army. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The angel once made some magic sounds with her mouth (a ritual spell called a prayer) and she summoned the demon that was in my belly to leave my body and set me free of a painful aching. She sang and sang and seriously her voice sounded as good as feeling the sunshine on your skin on a cold day. Anyway, when the demon finally did explode out of my mouth, it was not chunky this time, but had been totally melted by the angel’s magic song of prayer. Isn’t that awesome?
Also, the angel was quite wise. She had many different words (magic sounds) for the different kinds of demonic eliminations. There was vomiting, coughing, sneezing, and so on. I was fascinated by these different symbolic sounds that she used. I started to copy her- apparently not very well though.
 
The angel even showed me that she could trap the magic sounds in to magic shapes on pieces of paper. I also made magic shapes on pieces of paper, but that is when I found out that the angel was only somewhat wise, not totally wise, because the angel did not even know how to read the magic shapes that I made. I was a bit disappointed, but I stopped crying before long and just made some more magic shapes for the angel to badly misinterpret. I understand that she may have impaired vision or whatever. I love her anyway.
Speaking of love, no matter what I did, the angel loved me for who I really was. If I started taking off all of my clothes in the middle of the store for of people, she still loved me. If I screamed as loud as I could for no reason but to test whether she loved me, yes, she still loved me…. even in the middle of the store.
In fact, if I pretended to be a monkey, the angel thought I was the most amazing monkey ever. I do not even know if she knew it was not a real monkey and was in fact just me pretending to be a monkey.
I also showed her my impression of a demon exploding out of my face and she thought it was absolutely hilarious. When I told her about the latest magic shapes that I had invented and put on to paper, she was quite fascinated by my artistic creativity. She said it was very imaginative of me to color the sun green and the grass red.
She was also very rich. She had several boxes of crayons plus an entire stack of blank papers, which are my very favorite kind.
 
 
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Domenico Fetti - The Guardian Angel Protecting...

Domenico Fetti – The Guardian Angel Protecting a Child from the Empire of the Demon – WGA7849 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 
But the most important thing about the angel, I have not even mentioned yet. She protected me from the ruler.
 
The ruler was even larger than the angel, with shoulders that were as wide as I was tall. It had hair coming out of its face. I don’t mean just a little hair like on the angel’s four-legged creature with the fuzzy body. The ruler had a huge nest of hair below a nose that was also huge.
 
I loved that the angel’s hands were smooth and always smelled like lemon juice. The ruler’s hands were made of scratchy wood and I never knew how they were going to smell, but usually not good.
 
Also, the ruler’s voice was not like the angel’s either. The ruler smelled totally different. Basically, the ruler was everything that the angel was not.
 
 
One very bizarre thing about the ruler was that it burned the air with a little tool called a cigarette. I did not like the smell, which made my eyes itch, but burning the air made the ruler a little bit less angry, so that was good. 
 
Generally, the ruler was very frustrated. The ruler also was quite stupid because it did not understand the very special importance of my magic shapes on paper, or how my impression of a monkey was not just interesting but amazing, or how important it was to congratulate me when a demon exploded from my face. 
 
The ruler was apparently scared of all kinds of demons, especially the foul-smelling mud demons. Fortunately, the ruler was rarely around. 
In the morning, when the darkness started to be defeated by the light of the windows, the ruler would drink the steaming black liquid and then disappear until the window light started to fade. During the time when the windows shined light in to the room, the angel and I were alone and totally safe from the ruler- usually.
So, the ruler seemed to prefer to be around only after the window’s light was weak. Maybe the ruler was afraid of the time when the windows were bright. The angel said once that the ruler disappeared during the bright time because the ruler was a vampire, but of course I do not believe in such silly fairy tales. Maybe she was trying to trick me. I’m not sure yet.
 
 
Anyway, as I was saying, the angel protected me from the ruler whenever the ruler started to get extremely scary. By the way, I call it the ruler because, most of the time, if the ruler told the angel to do something, the angel would do as the ruler instructed- at least eventually.
 
If the ruler did something the wrong way, like not putting my clothes on me right, then the angel would fix the mistakes of the ruler. If I started to smell like the burnt air of the ruler, the angel would bathe me. If the ruler bathed me, the angel would come to double check on the ruler’s process and ask it things like “were you planning to use any soap?”
 
If you did not already notice, I am afraid of the ruler. I trust the angel, but not the ruler. Still, I recognize that there is something about the ruler that the angel likes, and, since I trust the angel, I tolerate the presence of the ruler. 
 
Occasionally, I even like the presence of the ruler. It does tickle me occasionally and it can make hilarious sounds, like when a thunder genie explodes out from its behind. 
 
Once the ruler was sleeping and a thunder genie exploded from out of the ruler, which stopped the ruler from snoring, causing it to sit up and then asked the angel what happened. The angel explained in her special gibberish sounds that she uses to communicate with the ruler that “you were attacked in your sleep by a thunder genie.” The ruler started snoring again and stayed calm until the windows started to shine again, then drank some steaming black liquid and disappeared as usual.
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But later that century a truly remarkable thing happened. One time, when the windows were still shining, a strange-looking visitor arrived. It wore a special black dress with bright red accents.
The angel talked to it about the ruler. The visitor was clearly angry, but it was a different kind of anger than the anger of the ruler. It was angry and calm at the same time.
So, when the window light started to fade and the ruler arrived as usual, the ruler looked very different than most days when arriving. The ruler apparently knew this visitor, but had not expected it to be visiting,  and was terrified of it.
The angel later told me that the visitor was the ruler’s ruler, called the ruler of the ruler or the great ruler or over-ruler or arch ruler or king of kings. Apparently there were a few other rulers or kings besides the angel’s ruler. Apparently the visitor was the ruler over all of those other rulers (not just over the ruler that slept every night in my house).
This visitor, who I will just call the king of kings from now on, has come to visit us only three times, but, every time, it acted like kind of a mix of an angel and a ruler. For instance, the king of kings was smart enough to be interested in my monkey impression (though I admit it was not my best performance, because I was a bit intimidated to be performing for the king of kings).
It was interested in me, but not nearly as interested as the angel. The king of kings only smiled at my jokes, not laughing, but not criticizing me either like the ruler sometimes did. I showed it one of my papers with magic shapes and it seemed interested, so I got more papers, but the king of kings said “thank you so much for showing me that one. Each time that I visit, you can show me exactly one more of your papers.” At least I think that it was it said.
I watched the king of kings closely. It was a curiosity.
Once, the first time that the king of kings visited, the ruler offered it a cigarette, which was politely accepted with the words “thank you very much.” Then it promptly ripped the cigarette in half and threw the pieces in the trash, saying “these are bad for you. If you offer me the rest of the box, I will throw them away as well.”
This was not normal behavior. The king of kings was not angry or frustrated. It just did strange things. I was often startled by what it did, then, after a few seconds, I would start laughing intensely, though I honestly am not sure why. I guess that to understand why it was funny, you just had to be there.
Once, the ruler interrupted the king of kings when the king of kings was still talking. The king of kings sat there calmly and listened for a while, then picked up one of the ruler’s cigarettes and set it on fire. The ruler stopped talking and looked quite confused. 
 
The king of kings said “would you like this cigarette?” The ruler said “um, well, you can have it if you want it. I thought you did not smoke, though.” The king of kings said “I don’t. But I will let you tell me if you want me to put this burning cigarette in your hand, in your eye, or in your ashtray.”
 
They had all been talking about how the ruler had been treating the angel. Apparently the king of kings was protecting the angel. Apparently, it worked.
 
 
The ruler did not say anything. The king of kings said to the ruler “aren’t you gong to answer my question?” Still, the ruler did not say anything, and then suddenly the ruler’s face got very pale and sweat started to drip down it’s forehead.
 
A few moments later, the king of kings threw the still burning cigarette in to a trash can full of paper, which naturally caught on fire and began to burn. The angel rushed to get some water to put out the fire. The king of kings stopped her and said, “no, let the ruler do it.” The ruler was even more stunned, but then stood up and shouted at the king of kings “are you crazy? You’ll burn down the whole house!”
 
The king of kings said “Well, if it is my house, then it is mine to burn down, right? Anyway, yes, I am crazy. Glad you finally realized that. You should always remember that I am crazy, too. Now, you better get some water to put out that fire before my house burns down and you have nowhere to live.”
 
 
So, the ruler took the container of water from the angel and then poured it in to the trash can. Where there had been a raging demon of fire the moment before, all that was left was a ballooning cloud of steam.
 
Then, the king of kings began to leave and said “Congratulations. You have made a wise choice today. Perhaps this will begin a long series of wise choices by you.” 
 
It then stretched out its hand to the angel. The angel grabbed its hand and kissed its ring, saying “thank you, Papa. Thank you so much!” 
 
 
Again, I trust the angel, so if the angel is grateful for the king of kings, then that is good enough for me, too. As for the ruler, it does still drink steaming black liquid every morning, but a few things have changed. 
 
In fact, it’s almost like the old ruler has died and has been replaced by a twin. The new ruler (or “reborn” ruler) looks basically the same as the old one, but there is something distinct about the new one. I’m not quite sure how to explain it.
 
For instance, one obvious thing is I have noticed recently that the ruler has mysteriously stopped smoking. In fact, it has also been around more than it used to be, but it has been much more pleasant to be around, so that is actually not so bad as I might have expected. 
 
Anyway, other news is that the angel has been possessed by a new kind of demon. It is living inside of the angel’s belly and is slowly growing, causing the angel to walk funny. 
 
Apparently, according to the angel, this kind of demon is named “your baby sister.” I have never seen the angel so happy to be possessed by a demon before, so, again, if the angel is grateful for it, that is good enough for me. 
 
As for the king of kings, I have not seen it lately, but the angel put an old picture of it over the fireplace. The angel told the ruler “I am putting up this picture to remind us who is watching over us.” The ruler did not smile, but did not frown either. It just went over to the angel and kissed her. 
In fact, I am starting to think that my angel really likes to be around the ruler, which is also fine by me. The ruler even seems to like to be around her as well, which is even more unusual. Life never ceases to amaze me.
 
In fact, just the other day when the windows were starting to get bright, a demon exploded out of the mouth of the angel and- this is the really freaky part- the ruler actually volunteered to clean up the demonic chunks. I was totally stunned. 
 
That’s just the beginning though. I think that I may have even seen the ruler smile. 
 
I’m serious.  The windows were not very bright at the time, so I can’t say for sure though. Then again, that all may have just been my imagination.
 
That reminds me of something the angel often tells me: that I have a “very active” imagination. Like I said, I trust her, so if she says that I have an active imagination, then that is good enough for me.
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