lyrics: “I just can’t”

do i deserve better; do i deserve worse; do i deserve everything that i don’t deserve
according to some model; according to some rules;
according to some people’s claims all made of words
I should not believe it, but I should not protest; I should not do what I should according to them
yet I should not rebel, though I should not obey; I should make up rules for what should not be made.
Do I deserve models; do I deserve rules; do I deserve anything that I should deserve
Do I deserve rebels; do I deserve words; do I deserve anything I should not deserve

Deserve a quiet night.

Deserve a quiet night. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I should not ask questions, except if I should; I should not give answers that have not been earned
I should not be talking; I can’t think before I think, so I should do what I can’t for that could set me free
of believing I’ve been trapped inside a maze of words, of perceiving that I am what I should not deserve
I think I am the universe thinking of itself, unless of course I should be any someone else
the universe deserves me but I should deserve it too which implies that I don’t and that may not be true
but I don’t want the universe crawling ’round inside; i think I should kill it before it takes my life.
If I should do what I can’t, then I can’t do what I should.
If I could do what I can’t, then I can’t do what i could
Have I been pretending that I cannot pretend, that I shouldn’t, that I wouldn’t, that I don’t know that I am
Have I been defending what I don’t deserve, what I shouldn’t, what I mustn’t, what I could never earn
I just can’t decide  whether to admit what I like:  the things that I shouldn’t, that I wouldn’t, that I might
I just can’t believe  that I could ever be free         so I carry around chains   waiting for the guard to sleep
I pretend to be trapped  like a mime cuffed and chained   I pretend I just can’t  help defending my own cage
I am on guard inside my prison with an open door     I must make sure no one escapes  I must police my whole world
 
If I should do what I can’t, then I can’t do what I should.
If I could do what I can’t, then I can’t do what i could
written: 1/9/2012
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One Response to “lyrics: “I just can’t””

  1. Lady Gwendolynn Says:

    Very sad, personal and deep. I’ve struggled throughout my life not to listen to those outer negative voices or even the “Inner Demons” that try to pull me down. You shouldn’t listen to them either if they are hounding you. Remember you are limitless. The only limits you have are those you put in front of you or those you listen to from others outside of you. The mind and the “Will” are amazing forces.

    I personally have always felt, every person deserves to find their happiness/bliss in their life. I hope you do too.

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