There 3 types of guys:
#1 lonely and basically interested in approval and companionship (may even be gay).
#2 interested in pleasure, including the thrill and challenge of sexual conquest (who, by the way, do not REALLY care if their partner is unfaithful, even when they display what may be called jealousy– because they are actually just ENVIOUS / EMBARRASSED / RESENTFUL of their partner, which is totally distinct from the “pure” jealousy of a man who loves his partner but would display intense aggression toward any man that approached his wife “dishonorably,” similar to how a “jealous” father could be viciously defensive over his daughter. The mature father is not “envious” of his daughter’s attention to an honorable/well-qualified suitor, but is very “jealous” of his daughter’s honor, well-being, etc- and while he might be mad at his daughter to get her attention in a moment, he would have no resentment toward her at all- unlike the “jealous” boyfriend who whines and complains for weeks and months and years about how his horrible ex “betrayed him.”)
#3 committed to family (like looking for a healthy, emotionally mature wife to have kids with him).
Obviously, when we use big categories like this, we oversimplify things. But to me, the 3 types that I listed are normal developmental STAGES- with plenty of science to back up these ideas.
For a man to get to the last stage solidly, he has to go all the way through both of the other two. A man who has never gone all the way through stage 2 may even think that he is in stage 3 already, but then may be surprised when a few years in to a marriage, he has intense lust for someone other than his wife AND has difficulty dealing with it.
I experienced something like that myself, and it is not the woman’s fault (or really even the man’s). It’s just biology. Men SHOULD find beautiful women attractive, and might even get a statue or painting, but their appreciation for beauty- even if there is some lust in there- does not equate to any particular action for a mature man. They feel attraction fully. However, for a mature man, attraction is just attraction. So what? They value something else far more than mere sexual attraction or lust.
My sister has an ex-husband and she was very disappointed when their marriage dissolved after 4 kids. However, what happened was not her fault at all, but was totally the responsibility of both of the parents- (her and her ex).
A mature man is one that respects “the system” (governments, etc) without being obsessed over any particular issue or point of view. He respects other people’s opinions without being especially afraid of differences of opinion (and does not expect 100% agreement with anyone). He is open to learning from all other people, not just obsessed with pleasing one person or one group.
As for a man who is pre-occupied with his mother’s approval, I would consider that a major warning sign. A man who respects his mother is very good though- who is proud to introduce his mom and his mate to each other.
I’ve had girlfriends (and other relationships with women) that I was not especially proud of, whether or not my mom knew any of the details. Again, each “disappointment” was a valuable learning process for me. So, someone afraid of disappointment, sadness, anger, or fear… is not what I mean by a mature man.
A mature man is brave and respects the intelligence of every emotion- even of the immature envy of the “betrayed” boyfriend. The envious boyfriend is doing the best he can to promote his interests, though society (as in grandparents) has a lot of structures in place to “train” boys and make men out of them… however long that may take.
Boys (of any age) can benefit from experiencing some betrayal, so they can develop discretion and discernment and become mature men. Women do not *need* to be interested in any of this or understand any of it, but, in today’s society, it is probably best that a young woman be as clear as possible about these issues- and have respect for the reality of masculinity and male sexuality- and how intensely powerful those forces can be for a man.
ALL men are naturally attracted to healthy, young women. That is not a “bad” sign. That is a sign of an honest man (with all of his senses working).
Further, a mature man knows that mere attraction is common, but that connection is rare. A mature man is selective and values an intelligent, healthy, committed mate.
- My boyfriend’s mother is coming between us | Mariella Frostrup (guardian.co.uk)
- Jealous?! WHY. (ihopetheyservevodkainheaven.com)
- Friend has a new boyfriend – am I overreacting? Am I too jealous? (ask.metafilter.com)
- True Life: I Don’t Get Along With Women (madamenoire.com)
- Love Dare, Day 8; Love is not Jealous (simplysjb.wordpress.com)
- Confessions of a Jealous Girl. ~ Caitlin Marcoux (elephantjournal.com)
- Why Jealousy? (coachaina.com)
- Jealousy (darkknight47.wordpress.com)
- Why Your New Girlfriend Might be Jealous of Your Mother, Sister (socyberty.com)
- Satisfied? Jealous? On Deciding Not to Be Monogamous (psychologytoday.com)