a rich diet: the only solution to hunger

a rich diet: the only solution to hunger
comedian rich little 
 
 
Have you ever been in an emergency room of a hospital? Can you remember to pretend to imagine the frightened excitement of your body during a medical crisis?
 
A parent rushed through the doorway with their child, screaming “someone help us!” An intake specialist responded immediately and rushed from behind the counter to assess the condition of the child. “Breathing is normal. In fact, everything seems quite normal. No, I can’t find any problem. What is wrong with your child?”
 
The mother said, “why didn’t you just ask me first what kind of help we needed? Nothing is wrong with my child. However, there is a huge tidal wave about to hit the shore just outside the door. Look out the window and in a moment you will be able to see the water crashing over the roof of the building across the street from us. We just wanted to be inside the building before the water washed us away. Anyway, I’m so glad that your door was unlocked, but we probably should lock it now to keep the water out.”
 
The intake specialist said, “um, well, I have not been trained for this exact situation. So, let’s just see what’s next on my checklist. Okay, right, do you have any medical insurance or will you be paying cash?”

 comedian bill cosby
Now, you may be wondering at this point if the above story is precisely true or not. I admit that some details of it may actually be  obscured or even fabricated to protect the guilty and to make a particular dramatic point at the expense of precise accuracy. There may have been an element of creative theatrics in the above presentation. In fact, none of it at all may have been true. In other words, it may have been entirely a lie. So, what was the point?
 
First, perception is part of reality. If you perceive something to be real or true, then that is a real perceiving or true perceiving for you. 
robin williams
 
Have you ever been in an emergency room of a hospital? Can you remember to pretend to imagine the frightened excitement of your body during a medical crisis?
All of that is simply to direct attention to the idea of being in an emergency room in general and, in particular, to the physical experience of a medical crisis.  So, if you pretend to remember to have imagined not thinking about a pink elephant, the only thing that is actually happening in that whole sequence of words is the directing of attention to the idea of a pink elephant.
 
bill cosby
 
Were there any other purposes behind the specific way of presenting the dialogue between the parent and the intake specialist? That is certainly possible, right?
 
Was I making fun of the presumptiveness of the bureaucratic intake specialist? Was I pointing out that some things (like a tidal wave or an earthquake or a war) could be a higher priority than someone’s personal medical crisis? Was I instructing you in exactly what rich foods to eat as the only solution to the hunger that so many people may attempt to satisfy through some other method? Let’s review:
 
bill cosby
 
A parent rushed in to the hospital through the emergency room doors with their child screaming “someone please help us!” An intake specialist interrupted her prayers and responded immediately, rushing from behind the counter to assess the condition of the child. “Pulse is normal. In fact, everything seems quite normal. No, I can’t find the problem that I was looking for. Isn’t there something wrong with your child- I mean, it could even be anything at all?”
You may have noticed that the words just above are not the same as what you might have expected. So, just remember to pretend to imagine that this is about hunger, right? If you want to satisfy hunger, then isn’t it obvious that the way to do it is by filling out some paperwork in the waiting room of an ambulance, right?
 
woody allen and johnny carson 
“Yes, I think I know what is wrong. My little baby is having trouble sleeping and cries a lot and her face is quite pale and she makes sudden jerking movements, like she is trying to shake something out of her shirt sleeve except she does not have on a shirt.”
 
The intake specialist said, “yes, we see that all the time. That is a very serious condition called incurable break-dancing. Let me ask you a personal question, now: in the early 1980s, did you ever watch any music videos or corny movies?”
 
rhyme pays
 
Modern science is the pinnacle of human intelligence. So, if a doctor says that something is incurable, and then later some other doctor cures that condition, that is clearly because science is infallible. What happens is that when a doctor labels something incurable, that does not mean that the doctor does not personally know how to cure it. Instead, when a doctor labels something incurable, that just means that type 2 break-dancing is a real medical issue which we need join together to prevent. Now, let’s return to the conversation between the intake specialist and the infant.
 
lucille ball- i love lucy 
“No, I am only seven months old, so naturally I did not see any movies in the early 1980s.  However, I did watch one of those movies yesterday. Do you think that could be the cause of my symptoms which I have had for many months?”
 
The intake specialist replied: “Well, we cannot rule that out. It could also be some karma from a past life. In fact, because this story takes place in the early 1970s and we have been referencing the 1980s repeatedly, maybe the cause of all your problems is a mistake that you will make in a future lifetime. I only say future lifetime because we already know that type 2 break-dancing is incurable and you will die before you reach the age that you can speak, giving you absolutely no chance of surviving until the 1980s. So, let me ask you another personal question: do you like to suck on your mother’s breasts?”
 
pee wee herman
“Excuse me?!?! I barely know you. What kind of question is that? That is an invasion of my privacy! Who do you think you are? I thought that you were the intake specialist in the emergency room of a hospital in the early 1970s, right?”
 
The specialist said, “yes, I am really a specialist, but I am also a licensed nurse: registered, bonded, and insured. In my nursing training, I was taught how to nurse babies, because that is what nurses do.”
baby nursing
 
The infant smiled with a mixture of politeness and scorn and then said, “I realize that I am only seven months old, but you look like a man to me. You have no boobs. How could you possibly nurse a baby? Are you some kind of transvestite?”
 
The specialist said, “In this state, I am legally married to my husband, who is also a transvestite like me. So, yes, I can nurse a baby. I just have to swing by the breast implant center of the hospital and then I will be right back and nurse you.”
 
“No thanks. That is very generous and all, but I do not think that implanting breasts is going to give you fully functional mammary glands. It’s just not going to work. So, I am going to keep break-dancing no matter what you say about the risks. Good day to you, you piece of… you piece of work.”
 
jon stewart
Of course, obviously this infant is deluded. Gay transvestite priests have the right to get married so far in 7 states, with 9 more states still counting the ballots as of the time of this publication.
The word nurse is not related to the word nourish or nutrition. That is a fallacy promoted by deluded infants who worship the conspiracy theory promoted by President Bush about Al Queda coincidentally hijacking several planes all in the same day from the same airport and then accidentally crashing them in to targets of no importance to distract your attention from the fact these childish infants also do not respect the inalienable rights of transvestites to nurse in public.
nursing baby
In conclusion, the word nurse is a derivation from the Native American language of Cajun. Our modern word “nurse” comes from the Cajun word for dark-skinned Cajuns with biological ancestry from the equatorial regions of India (not Native American India, but Equatorial Asian India). It is the polite form of the word Negro, which is derived from a river in Nigeria, which is derived from the word Nigerian, which is the best country in the world, at least according to the people who live there and have never been anywhere else. (Note that all over the world there are people who say “my religion is best” or “my nation is best” or “my doctor is best,” when in fact they have not actually been everywhere yet, so how the heck would they know?)
That brings us back to the subject of why the best way to satisfy hunger is through sex. If you are choking, having more sex is the solution. If you are thirsty, having less sex is the solution. If you are hungry, having sex is unrelated, unless there is some eating going on in the sexual activity, but we cannot discuss that here because this book is obviously X-rated.
eddie murphy
Let’s review all of the things that satisfy hunger twice as well as eating healthy. The top of the list includes getting drunk, having sex, gambling borrowed money on real estate speculation, smoking cigarettes, shopping for the right thing to wear so that you can attract the right person or at least spark renewed interest in the person you already have, getting married, having more children, getting divorced, going to a different church, memorizing the alphabet, memorizing the Bible, moving to a different state or country, changing your clothes, blinking your eyes, and eating a lot of low quality crap.
If you are full, then you are not hungry. That is clear because when you eat a bunch of low quality crap until you are full, you are instantly intensely hungry again several hours later once your body is not overwhelmed by digesting all of that low quality crap.
Ralphie May
So, your body has a mechanism to tell you when to stop eating. We call it the red light. (Parents, listen for these words from your children: “Yeah, but I’m full, mommy!”)
Your body has another mechanism to tell you when to start eating. We call it the green light. (Parents, listen for these words from your children: “Yeah, but mommy, I am still hungry even though I am full.”)
It is important that you do not get those two lights confused, because if you do, then you may confuse being full of food with being satisfied nutritionally. Eating does not satisfy hunger unless you eat what nourishes your body.
If you get absolutely nothing else out of this set of words, get that unless you eat what nourishes your body, eating will not satisfy hunger. Eating crap does not satisfy hunger any better than watching internet porn or praying or positive thinking or listening to music that your parents hate or being a rebel and trying to change the government or the culture or whatever. When you try all of that and discover for yourself that they are completely incapable of satisfying hunger and nutritional deficiencies, then try something radical: eating healthy.
In other words, a rich diet is the only solution to hunger. I know that is true because I read it once somewhere- I think on the internet.
jerry seinfeld
 
“Wait, before you go, I need to tell you something. I admit that I am not really a transvestite. I am actually a 7 year-old girl. That is why I do not have any boobs yet. I was just tricking you because you are a 7 month-old infant and basically I am way smarter than you.”
 
The infant responded telepathically by saying: “Okay, I’m listening intently. Now you suddenly have a lot of credibility with me since you just admitted lying to me. That really makes me trust you a lot. So, what do you recommend that I do to treat my type 2 incurable break-dancing?”
 
ice-t
“It’s simple. Use soy formula. That is what nature intended.”
 The specialist sounded very confident, which is the exact same as being accurate and relevant because sincerity is the only measure of truth according to all of those religious fanatics and political fanatics who kill each other because their group is the very best and has a monopoly on truth. I should know because I am one of them.
Now, back to our story, the specialist noticed the curious look on the face of the 70 year-old infant and then briefly paused to raise the dramatic intensity by 32%, then continued: “I am a vegan because mammals are not supposed to consume the substances created by other mammals, especially their own mothers. That is unethical and immoral and sinful and forbidden by the Prophet Santa.”
“Do you mean Santa Claus?” the infant asked. “I have heard of him and the great promises that he makes to children who conform to the standards of behavior that he recommends so that they can earn their way in to heaven eventually. But do you really think that the soy formula prescribed in the holy scriptures of the national church of Santa will cure my type 2 incurable break-dancing?”
rich little
 
“Yes, what you are going to do with the soy formula is take a bath in it. This is the best way for your skin to absorb it just like nature intended and also like Santa commanded in the Holy Roman Testament.”
 
The infant was fascinated with this new interpretation of the ancient Hebrew story of the Garden of Eden about the dangers of eating the forbidden products of modern agriculture that led Cain in to a biochemical state of mental illness, resulting in the murder of his brother the shepherd. “Okay, so, how often should I bathe in soy formula? Is this going to fix me after like every day for a week or what?”
 
“No, you are not listening. I just said to take a bath in it. That is all. Do not ever do anything else. Just take a bath in it and stay there. That will fix everything. That will make you really healthy and promote reproduction of your genetic lineage.”
The infant then made some unintelligible sounds, as if trying to communicate something to the effect of: “Okay, thank you so much, infallible Intake Nurse Specialist Authority. Where can I purchase some of this soy formula?”
bill cosby
 
“Oh, you do not need to buy it. We provide that for you for free. Just go down the hallway to the right and look for the sign that says Nazionalist Nursing Home Crematorium and then tell the attendant with the six-pointed star sheriff badge that you are there to report for your final bath. There will be a little paperwork for you to sign first in regard to your will and your estate and probate proceedings and so on. It’s really that simple!”
 
The infant clapped once and then starting hopping up and down like it was Christmas morning and then said: “Wow, that is really, really great. Again, I just want to thank you so much for your expertise on how soy formula is the best thing for vegans like me. By the way, good luck on becoming a transvestite when you get a little older.”
Recommended link: http://mercola.fileburst.com/nt/pdf/Gluten-Free-Protein-Type-Food-Chart.pdf
 jim carrey
 

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