being happy already (generous or stingy?)

Be Happy

Be Happy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Generosity is a quality of mine that you may value experiencing now. However, you may know that I’ve sometimes been the opposite of generous. I’ve been stingy and self-righteously justified in my stinginess.

When people have not done what I have thought that they should have done, I’ve been stingy. When people have done what I thought they should not have done, I’ve been stingy as well. However, I am giving up being stingy.

Two people in a heated argument about religion...

Two people in a heated argument about religion when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University. Click the audio button found above and to the left to listen to them. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is a change in language, though, not in action. This is a change in attention. Rather than focusing on how other people may not be doing what I wish they would, which was all about being self-righteously justified, I am focusing on what I wholeheartedly am supporting generously.

In other words, there are still only certain things that I choose to wholeheartedly promote. In regard to anything else, I make no new offer of support. However, being stingy about what does not work for me is quite distinct linguistically than being dedicated generously to what does work for me.

So, I figure everyone reading this knows that I have been using the term forecasting for several years now. I started using a new term in the last few days: nticing. I have been noticing pattersn before other people have noticed them. I noticed a destabilizing in credit markets and wrote articles about it. I noticed a destabliziling in real estate markets and wrote about them. I wrote about noticing an emerging surge in fuel prices in my publications in 2004 and 2005, and soon, other people noticed a few symptoms of the same patterns at the gas pump when prices of gas doubled quickly. I even noticed when the trend of rising fuel prices was destabilizing, and I shared about that in advance as well, plus destabilizing in the financial sector of the US stock market, the housing sector before that, the technology sector lately, and so on.

choice and context

choice and context (Photo credit: Will Lion)

Anyway, how all of that relates to being stingy is that I have been self-righteously justified in being financially unsuccessful personally in the face of various people not involving themselves in my business even after several years of clear consistency and compounding evidence of huge profitability. In other words, I have wanted certain other people specifically to benefit from what I knew, and therefore I have been “holding out” on developing my business and doing what worked for my finances to be enormously abundant and me to be unprecedentedly generous.

I have been trying to manipulate certain others into benefitting from what I have been noticing, along with me benefiting. In other words, I have been putting the possibility of their approval and appreciation of me ahead of functionality for myself and generosity to anyone who is willing to receive the enormous abundance which I can help them access.

Those who choose to participate are those who choose to participate. I give up using the term “refuse” in relation to any people who have chosen to participate in other things. Some people participate with what I offer, whenever they choose to do so, and some may not ever- only participating in other programs, then getting the results fitting with those methods.

Recently, I have switched from receiving 20% of the profit I generate to receiving 50%. For years, I experienced intermittent success trading for 20% of the gains. With the amounts of funds that I had been attracting into my management services, that percentage simply did not consistently produce enough money for me to consistently support my own abundance. I had the 400% gains in the month of May 2006, but I was quite bitter at the time, in particular in relation to my son’s mom.

I was angry that she was how she was. How she was, by the way, is simply exactly how she was. My anger was entirely distinct. I could have appreciated that she was how she was. I just happened to be judgmental about it.

Angry woman.

Angry woman. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

However, it was never about her, I hereby proclaim. It was always about me. I wanted to be angry at something, and “how she was” was good enough for me.

However, in order for me to learn generosity, I not only punished her for being how she was, I punished myself for having been involved with her the way I was. It was always all about the way I was.

I was angry at the way I was. I was judgmental of the way I was. So, I punished myself for how I was, while focusing my attention on being angry at how she was and punishing her by being stingy and claiming to be justified in the stinginess because of how she was not how I wished she was and was how I wished she wasn’t and yada yada yada. How did I punish myself? I sabotaged my own abundance. This not only prevented me from helping a lot of people, but resulting in me failing to help many that were willing to be helped.

Anyway, I thought I was going to sit down and type something about what I want for my son. I want him to be able to attend the school of my choice. In fact, to be more specific, I want him to actually attend the school of my choice- not just be able to, but actually do it.

As for what school I would choose, I think of a few free Waldorf-inspired schools in Arizona. However, that is just a point of reference. I was going to write about how his mom may not accept the possibility that I can produce more than enough wealth- however much it would require- to have him go to the school of my choice.

I accept it. I declare it. I am producing more than enough wealth for him to go to the school of my choice. I am absolutely clear that given what I notice developing in various markets and the contact network that I already have and the new clients that I have attracted lately, perhaps by grace alone, it would be inexcusable for me to personally net less than a million dollars this year.

Is that unprecedented for me? Yes. It is unreasonable? It’s actually quite reasonable. However, it would simply be stingy for me to do anything less.

So, I also declare that my son is going to the school of my choice, and I am ready to begin researching schools for this fall, given that I do not expect to choose the one he currently attends, assuming that it would remain in business by this fall anyway given what I notice is emerging in economic trends. So, not only am I choosing for my son to go to the school of my choice, but I am choosing to support the operation of the school of my choice. For him to go there this fall, they absolutely must be in operation this fall- and many, many current operations may be out of business within the next few months.

However, I notice in writing all of this, that him going to the school of my choice is again a rather superficial detail. I consider it quite important, but it is among many things I consider quite important.

In fact, of all the people that I have been giving special importance, my son may be the one I have most been giving special importance. However, that’s all about me too.

I’ve been punishing myself by being stingy with him. I want him to go to the school of my choice for me, not just for him. I notice that my fatherhood of him is an opportunity for me.

It’s not a burden. It’s not a duty. It’s simply an opportunity, though also a privilege.

My biological father had no involvement in my life and I have no complaints about that. I’ll repeat that in case you missed it, using different words though. However my past was has simply been however my past was. Whatever my biological father did or did not do is just whatever he did or did not do.

I’m not owed anything by him and never was. I’m not going to make him into an excuse for me to be anything less than abundant and happy, even if I have been making any part of my past into such an excuse.

I learned the key to being stingy. The key to being stingy is “well, let me tell you what is wrong.” Being stingy is all about allegeing that life is a sequence of things not working (and then reasons why they are not working). Obviously, life is a sequence of how life is actually working, not a sequence of how life is not working (or how life should be working).

Oh, there may be some language about how life should be and how life should not be, but that is actually all part of life working as well. I may have been distracting myself from noticing how life is actually working, you know, so I did not get in the way of life actually working.

While I may have been stingy in various ways, I have been generous in others. I’ve actually been quite generous with myself across the last several years. I’m not apologizing for that. I’m simply noting that I promise to learn from all the generosity I have been directing toward myself, then spreading it around.

So, didn’t I just say that I had been stingy with myself in regard ot finances? Yes. I have been- overall- quite stingy with myself in regard to finances, insofar as I was being very generous with myself in regard to time. Rather than invest my time in developing my financial prosperity, I have been nourishing my spriitual prosperity, my physical well-being, and my personal interests.

I have been incredibly generous with myself in certain ways. I simply had been continuing to pretend that I should have been different than I was.

Being generous with myself now, I declare that I was being generous with myself, as well as with various others. I think back over the last several years and consider all the people with whom I have interacted, the privilege and opportunity of spending time with a huge variety of people. True, that often meant that I did not spend time with people I already knew, such as my son. Yes, I have been away from him for many weeks and many months at a time. However, there was no other way for him to have the fatehr that he has now but for me to be who I am now by having done and experienced exactly what I have done and experienced.

Buddha sitting in bhumisparsha-mudra posture (...

Buddha sitting in bhumisparsha-mudra posture (calling the earth to be his witness). Birmany. White marble with traces of polychromy. Gallo-Roman museum of Lyon. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been generous in learning to “be happy already.” I really do not have a lot of exposure to “being happy already” in my past. In other words, there certainly has been exposure to that, but it has been intermittent, contrasting to a background of “being unhappy already.” SO, now I am even happy with having been unhappy.

If I was unhappy in a certain process, it is fitting to the purpose of me being happy already that I move on from that process. I have been in a variety of relationships and jobs and places. Being happy already was not in any relationship or any job or any place. Being happy already was just being happy already.

The pursuit of happiness is a cat chasing it’s own tail. Be happy already. Oh, and by the way, if you ever happen to see a cat chasing its own tail, notice whether the cat is being happy already with chasing its own tail. You might be surprised… already. 😉

January 31, 2010

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One Response to “being happy already (generous or stingy?)”

  1. Happiness 101 « power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci Says:

    […] is a follow-up to: happiness (Photo credit: […]

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