Different qualities are attractive in different ways (to different people). To me there is an implicit shaming or disrespect in the idea of criticizing someone for “waiting for their existence to be validated.”
Without any shaming, I can say that some women (like Janet Reno, for instance) are so goal-oriented (and in relation to certain specific goals) that such a tenacious focus could be quite repulsive to me in regard to being a romantic partner (though I might find the same quality appealing in an employee – of whatever sex). Other women might be so far to an other extreme that it would also be repulsive.
Janet Reno, the 78th Attorney General of the United States (1993–2001) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I can say, again without any shaming, that a woman who resents others simply for not validating her can be quite repulsive (including as an employee), but it is all a matter of degree. One of my subcontractors (a woman) called me yesterday in frustration over some tasks that she was completing. It is far more functional for her to express frustration (and request validation and clarification) than for her to get frustrated and be quietly resentful (and unproductive). I gave her some extra training and told her something like this: “the faster that you can be frustrated enough with something that is not working that then you stop being frustrated and relax enough to stop doing something that is not working, the faster that you stop doing something that is not working, which is good for productivity and for peace of mind.”
Anyway, as for attraction, here is a secret about attracting men. Some men are already attracted to women. In other words, no matter what a woman does or does not do, she will be attractive to some men. Women who are very timid will not be as attractive to as many men. Women who are very aggressive/assertive will not be as attractive to as many men. But all men are attracted at least a little to all women.
English: Official White House photo of President Bill Clinton, President of the United States. Русский: Президент США Билл Клинтон,официальное фото Белого Дома. Ελληνικά: Επίσημη φωτογραφία Λευκού Οίκου του Προέδρου Μπιλ Κλίντον, Προέδρου των ΗΠΑ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Women tend to be much more focused in their romantic interest than men- much more exclusive. It can be useful to think of men not as especially exclusive in their experience of attraction, but just as committed or not. A man who is committed to a particular woman will still be attracted to other women, but will have no exclusive commitment toward them. Obviously, the more attracted that a man is toward a woman, the more likely there is to be a commitment to her from him.
So, if a man says he is not at all attracted to any other women but one, do you really trust that? However if he says “I promise to be exclusive with you,” can you trust that? Can you trust that even though he may be very attracted to other women, he will honor his commitment to you?
Some men may be committed to a woman, but not exclusively in regard to sexual activity. There are different forms of commitment. Many people found the “sexual indiscretions” of US President Bill Clinton to be very shocking and disturbing. Other people simply recognized that his commitment to his wife was exclusive only in regard to family (procreation), but not in regard to sex.
A man can be committed to all of his children, right? If a man has multiple wives (as is now common in many parts of the western world), can he be committed to his ex-wife (or ex-wives) in a certain way, to his current wife in a certain way, and to each of his children in distinct ways (like depending on whether they are infants or adults or what)?
Note also that many gay men have children (and ex-wives). In many societies, there is so much shame around the issue of having sex with a different woman than one’s first wife that many men suppress their natural desire for women by selecting male sexual partners. That way, they only have children with one woman. In a strange way, those men are staying committed to the mother of their children by avoiding sex with any other women.
English: Woman beggar, Guanajuato, Mexico Español: Mujer pordiosera, Guanajuato, México. Français : Une mendiante, à Guanajuato, au Mexique. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: An ethnic Wife of Dhaneshwaran from the Kutia Kondh tribal group in Orissa, India. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)