Most of my life so far, I have claimed that desire is my enemy (or said something like that). Of course, it was a bit of a lie.
I have tried to control desire, but that is desire, too. Desire is of course the reason that I claimed that desire was my enemy. I desired to have desires other than my actual operating desires. In other words, I desired to suppress and repress and re-direct my desires.
That is what society does to organisms. Societies socialize organisms.
Societies glamorize desirelessness and curse desire as shameful and dangerous and evil. It is. Society should do what society does. However, just because desire is demonized, that does not mean that desire is not also valuable.
I was hiding desire to protect it, to save it for later, to hide it from those who may have found it terrifying (or at least inconvenient) – perhaps because they were terrified of their own desire. Or, maybe their desires conflicted with mine so they punished and suppressed my desire.
But we cannot be free of desire. Desire is our vitality. We can hide it or suppress it and that can be useful to survive, but even desiring to be free of desire is a form of desiring. I am free- free to have desire and free to hide desire and free to claim that I am not free and that my freedom is trapped by my freedom and by my desire and by any claim that I may claim to claim.
I claim that you are also free. I claim that you are free to hide anything and deny anything and claim anything.
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